A ghoulish take on Halloween
By Katie Powers
It is I: The spirit of Santa Clara Halloween descending upon you!
In my ghostly ghoulish state, I woke up in Mission Gardens on the All Hallow's Eve of the two-thousand and sixth year of our Lord. How confused I was! Something had stopped me on my journey to the afterlife, and it seems that for whatever reason, my stop on this journey is your university.
In the past two years, I have bided my time whirling around and whizzing through the musty dormitory basements and Benson Memorial Center, observing all of your interesting, modern activities. I write today, however, to warn you of the dangers in your so-called celebratory holiday to come.
On the All Hallow's Eve of the past year, I witnessed strange, pagan -- perhaps even demonic -- rituals. It seems as if you foolish collegiate coeds do not understand the dangers of the spirits of the undead who haunt the fated night of All Hallow's Eve.
While floating down a backyard on Bellomy Street last All Hallow's Eve, I witnessed a group of young men who appeared to be demonically possessed. Chanting and yelling, they lifted one of their own, dressed in a velvet vaudeville jacket with a shiny necklace that read "P.I.M.P" (standing for what, I am unsure -- perhaps a cult of some sort), and thrust him into the air while he drank from a tube connected to a metallic cylinder.
What was in the metallic cylinder, I do not know. But, as the young man imbibed, the other members of the P.I.M.P. cult chanted and yelled. Following his descent back to the ground, the young man ran about screaming, most clearly possessed by some kind of spirit.
I also question another activity that seems to propel demonic behavior. On the past All Hallow's Eve as I was wandering up and down Alviso Street, I witnessed young women wearing little to no clothing (invest in a cloak, for heavens!) gulping what seemed to be a treasured red beverage. The ladies squealed while drinking cup after cup, served with a ladle from what appears to be commonly used as a trash can.
I later heard one of the ladies mention that the juice had been sent from the jungle. Which jungle, I do not know. But I tell you this -- the liquid is the color of blood! Guzzled by young women, once consumed, the women immediately became crazed. They laughed devilishly and swung their hips to the sound of thumping music. It plagues me to see such possession!
I warn all of you who leave your dormitories and homes on the night of All Hallow's Eve. The spirits of the dead, such as I, will be meandering.
And with the influence of the other demonic spirits, such as those purchased in a bottle or at a speakeasy, beware!