All about the jerks among us

By Marcos Moreno

Jerks irritate me. It's not that I have anything against these jerks, but I can't stand them, and I don't like them. I'm sure the term is something you're quite familiar with; I bet many readers even come across jerks in their everyday comings and goings. It's important to understand that just because I'm underlining a few commonalities in jerk behavior that the following traits aren't in any way indicative of jerks throughout the world.

First off, a jerk is someone who insists on a way of thinking that requires very little thinking at all. They are ignorant and totally oblivious to the world around them.

Jerks aren't sensitive people, but not for lack of trying. I would say that most jerks are confused by the emotions they feel and choose to disregard their feelings, rather than attempt to understand them.

It's very easy for jerks to pass on their negative vibes to other people and make them into jerks. Before long, jerks are around every street corner, just waiting to ruin your day.

Jerks make it their business to get in your business. I know very many jerks that are adamant about their opinions. Yes, jerks have opinions, too, and they deserve just as much respect as anyone else's opinions. Although I have often found jerks' opinions to be wrong, they still matter.

I know what you're all thinking: "Marcos, Santa Clara University is a peaceful community, there's no way jerks could infiltrate our utopian stronghold." Well, guess what readers: The jerks have landed, and there's nothing we can do about it.

I'm not writing this to shock or frighten you, but you should understand that jerks are very adept at mimicking the behavior and mannerisms of any thoughtful person. They can be your neighbors or your best friends. There might even be a jerk looming over your shoulder at this very moment. Luckily, for all our sakes, jerks usually give themselves away by opening their mouths -- at which point it would be wise to run away screaming. I suppose you could walk away to ensure your safety, but screaming is absolutely necessary, as it alerts others the presence of a jerk in the area. Remember, prevention is the first step in getting a handle on the "jerk situation."

Although it's easy to condemn jerks (because who in their right mind likes jerks?), making jerks the enemy is just not the way to go about things. Frankly, doing so would make jerks of us all. Regular, sane people have to remember that jerks, while annoying and foolish, are a necessary part of life. They remind us how not to act and show us that adversity is with us always, so we must learn to overcome it.

But seriously people, stop being such jerks.

Marcos Moreno is a senior English major.