Alumna author discusses Korean-American identity

By Patricia Ho

Santa Clara alumna Katy Robinson ('93) has known since grade school that she was going to be a writer. Set on her way with a Bachelor of Arts in English and experience working at The Santa Clara, Robinson took on reporting jobs at The Oregonian and The Idaho Statesman before accepting a scholarship to study journalism in Korea in 1998.

The year-long experience served as an opportunity for Robinson, who was born in Korea and lived there until she was seven, to uncover parts of her identity she had neglected since being adopted by a Caucasian family in Utah. Still reeling from the trip when she returned, Robinson decided not to return to her job at The Statesman. "I needed some time to sort through everything that had happened in Korea," she said in a phone interview from her current home in Boise, Idaho. "That's when I decided that I was going to write my story and write a book and try to share my story with other people." The result is her memoir, "A Single Square Picture," published in August this year.

"I remember we received a letter from Katy while she was still in high school," said Carina del Rosario, a former editor at The Santa Clara who is two years Robinson's senior. "Even back then, she was pretty determined to get into writing and use her time at The Santa Clara to continue to pursue her writing."

"When the U.S. started bombing Iraq the first time around, ... I remember both of us feeling really strongly about what was going on," del Rosario continued, "We had heard about some reporters that had broken through a particular area that was supposed to be closed off by the government ... to discover their own information. We both felt that if we were in that position, we would have done the same thing ... We wanted to change the world through out writing."

Robinson's time at Santa Clara helped equip her for that goal, though some lessons were learned the hard way. "I remember as a freshman getting an assignment from The Santa Clara, and going to interview [Tennant Wright, S.J.], but I was young and unprepared, and I had a preconceived notion of what I wanted my story to be," she said with a laugh. "I went to interview him, and he ended up kicking me out of his office. I was devastated. I left his office in tears, just bawling. He said, 'You're not really listening to me, you're not writing down anything I say, you're not prepared, get out.'"

"[The experience] taught me that when I interview people, I really truly have to listen to them, and pursue the truth," she adds. "I think that shaped my writing in my memoir because I was really aware of being honest. Not only about myself when I wrote but about other people. To write with honesty and with love and respect for the people I wrote about, even though at times, my family certainly was not perfect and I'm writing some difficult subjects."

In addition, Santa Clara helped open facets of Robinson's life that had previously been dormant. "I grew up in Salt Lake City in Utah in the seventies, I went to private Catholic school and I was the only Asian person in my entire school. I grew up denying my Asian heritage because I wanted to fit in," she said. "Choosing Santa Clara ended up being the best thing that I ever did. It was wonderful that it was in the Bay Area and it had a large Asian student population. It really made me question my identity ... It was a huge culture shock, but in a good way! ... I would say my experience on campus was the beginning of me questioning my identity, so it was really an important step."

Her trip to Korea continued the probing. "When I went back to Korea, I was so ready to claim my Korean-ness. I really expected to land in Korea and feel Korean. I was going to blend in and look like everyone else. I was really excited to feel Korean which I realize now was a little naive. Because when I landed in Korea, of course, I immediately felt very American. I felt like I stood out like a sore thumb. I wanted really to belong, but discovered, having been raised here, I was very Western in my thinking ... I didn't know all the nuances and cultural mannerisms.

In her search for her birth parents in Korea, Robinson's efforts were often thwarted as her Korean relatives seemed to with hold information in the interest of group harmony. "Here it's easy for me tosay that 'truth is the truth and it should be above all else.' It seems very clear. But when I was Korea, it was easy to see why that wasn't the case, with the group dynamics ... That's a frustrating thing for me and I don't know that I can say which is better," she said, making sure to add, "After coming back from Korea and having written this book, I came away with a tremendous respect for both Korean and American families. Even thoughw neither family was perfect, they were both trying to do the best they could.

"What I've determined is that I'm never going to be one or the other, I'm never going to fit completely into one culture. When I was younger, it was important for me to belong completely, but now that's not as important. I can shift between both-at times I feel more Korean, and at times I feel more American, and that's fine with me. It will be ever shifting, I think, at different points in my life, but that's ok, I value that," she said.

"There is also a lot to learn from the book about trying to search for your place in family and your community and struggling with the difficulty of being bicultural," del Rosario said. "There are things about mainstream American culture that you grow up with and embrace, especially the value of being straightforward and of individuality. But then there's also something to be said about the more traditional Asian values of family loyalty and making sure that people aren't hurt and being extremely sensitive to maintaining family harmony. It's difficult to straddle both of those worlds."

As for aspiring writers, Robinson's advice is: "If you believe you have a story to tell, it takes a lot of persistence and a lot of hard work, but keep at it. It's difficult to get it published, it's easy to give up. Be persistent and believe in yourself and keep at it. Every writer gets a lot of rejection letters but you can't let that stop you."