Back away from the 'Cucci'

By Karl Kuehn

Let's talk purses. God loves 'em, God knows I rock 'em.

And God knows there are some major problems with certain purses and "manbags" out there.

As everyone knows, purses and their "masculine" counterparts have become a staple for anyone and everyone who has to carry around more than a stick of gum -- including men.

In fact, the slightly more sizeable male tote is definitely a must-have for this season. Wallets, cell phones, planners, make-up, iPods, school books and even small dogs that resemble rats have found their way into this bag, making the accessory a complete necessity for anyone with a life.

In response to the utilitarian function of these accoutrements, there seems to have been a drastic increase in consumer demand for bags or purses designed by the likes of Louis Vuitton, Gucci, Coach, Chanel and Prada, to name a few.

But let's cut to the chase. I hate fake designer bags. They absolutely bug the shit out of me. Here's why:

Everybody knows your purse is fake.

I am just trying to be real. I mean, the designer letters are usually facing the wrong direction, Gucci looks like "Cucci," and the "leather" resembles a trash bag.

Just admit it. The extremely logo-y, flashy and billboard-like designer purses are getting a little annoying. What ever happened to originality?

I just don't understand why you'd intentionally buy a mere reproduction of what you really want. People don't purchase fake animals hoping that the thing will provide the same sort of joy that a real animal might.

What bothers me even more is the fact that people are paying a chunk of change for their beloved imposters. People spending hundreds of dollars on imitations. Cuh-razy!

If you are attracted to a certain pattern or logo, save your money for the real thing, or ask your boyfriend to get the accessory for you.

And under no circumstances are you allowed to hit up that kiosk in the mall -- the one conveniently located next to the fake hair booth -- to buy that "Burberry" bag whose plaid looks more like a map of the desert than anything else.

Instead, I suggest buying a purse that is unique, rather than something that four out of five of your "best" girlfriends own.

For, in the end, are not the values that you hold in your heart more important than the value of what you hold in your hand?

â?¦Actually, that's a tough one.

Contact Karl Kuehn at (408) 551-1918 or kkuehn@scu.edu.