Beauty in bronze
By Karl Kuehn
It has been suggested, by a few individuals, that I address the overwhelmingly important subject of tanning -- a topic in which I am well versed.
I will be the first to admit that I enjoy all aspects of tanning -- which include, but are not limited to -- tanning beds, spray tans, sun bathing, self-application tanner and bronzing with various forms of makeup.
I will also admit that I have been called, among other things, a "tanorexic." Nothing excited me more than unnecessarily bronzed skin on a winter day.
"Hello. My name is Karl, and I am a tanorexic." Things could be worse, right?
Due to the recent sunny weather at Santa Clara, tanning is an issue which should be understood by both UV lovers and haters. Let's be real: nobody likes a "Pale Pam" or a "Ghost-like Gary."
I highly recommend taking advantage of this beautiful spring weather and grabbing some rays for those ghastly legs.
Leavey pool, Mayer Theatre lawn, Mission Gardens and the Graham pool (RIP) lawn are all hot spots for sun seekers. Bring your beach towel, baby oil and favorite mixed drink ("secretly disguised" in a Nalgene bottle) to any of these locations, and you are guaranteed a good time and a golden body.
Unfortunately, not all of us have the time to dick around under the sun. For those who need a tan but don't have time, here are some of my quick-fix recommendations:
Do try out a tanning bed. In a short amount of time, and in only a few sessions, you can glow for days. I highly suggest the Planet Beach tanning salon at Rivermark Plaza. This award-winning franchise is my personal favorite!
Do not get a spray tan. Although fast and safe, a Mystic Tan can leave you splotchy, streaky and kinda freaky.
Do get your tan airbrushed by hand. This is the best bet for those who do not like the UV beds. Having a real person (instead of a fake person) spray you down enables you to customize the shade being applied so it matches your skin. While you are there, you may as well get those abs sprayed on that you have always wanted. I recommend Exotica Airbrush Tanning in Los Gatos.
Do not apply self-tanner. These products tend to stain your hands, feet and anything else that is extra-dry on your body. No one wants to look like an Oompa Loompa.
'Tis the season for taking advantage of the sun (whether it is real or fake), so get off your ass and bronze that hot body! Having a tan will not only make your body glow, but your heart and soul, as well.
And remember: too much sun can cause irreversible damage -- but then again, so do drinking and smoking.
Contact Karl Kuehn at (408) 551-1918 or kkuehn@scu.edu.