Blind dates for everyone

By Christopher DaCosta

What comes to mind when someone mentions the words "Blind Date?" I know my brain is suddenly inundated with visions of Rodger Lodge amid a flurry of bizarre animations. Yes, the show that got me through junior year -- well, actually it was that cluster of cringe-worthy, late-night dating shows that oftentimes fed me the motivation to survive many an all-nighter deciding whether to start my homework, get Taco Bell or apply for the "5th Wheel."

After clocking in as many hours as I have pouring over the tragically misguided mid-westerners who sell their souls to Elimidate execs, I have the uncanny ability to predict the exact Romeo retention rate, complete with the sequence in which they are dumped. I admit it, my one-year love affair with KRON4's syndicated romance shows has rendered me an expert on the anonymous admirers scene.

In the old days (circa 1992), blind dates always seemed to involve your long-lost cousin Dwayne whose reputation for Dungeons and Dragons dexterity often proceeded him. Today, good old Dwayne is still on the circuit but fortunately, so are many other very eligible bachelors who engage in activities other than cultivating rare bug collections.

More and more people (namely seniors who are seeking the thrill and excitement of someone who's never been to The Hut) are turning to their matchmaker friends for dates. With the abundance of those bemoaning the onset of Valentine's Day, I'm sure a single bitter Betty wouldn't be too difficult to find for your friend, in this one-horse town.

So what do you do once you're ready to go on a blind date? Craft a sample itinerary? Wrong. The process can already potentially be long and arduous, so let's not complicate things further. First course of action, swiftly remove all user profiles from random online communities -- thefacebook.com, myspace.com, silverseniors.com -- whatever your poison, dispose of it. Online profiles are so last year. Besides, you can never be too careful these days, your date might be Dwayne, stalker super-sleuth extraordinaire, master of drudging up random information about you, like your stance on having children or your penchant for dominant paramours with "a few extra pounds." If anything, you'll want to conceal any trace of your existence if things don't work out in order to discourage any restraining order-requiring behavior.

* Contact Christopher DaCosta at (408) 554-4546 or cdacosta@scu.edu.