Brush up on Malley etiquette

By Chris Furnari

As both a patron and an employee of the Malley Fitness Center, I feel it is my duty to shed light on a few issues that have been bothering me recently.

Let's get one thing out of the way: I spend more time in the gym on a daily basis than you do.

Between my three-hour shifts at the desk and about three hours of working out, it is safe to assume that if you don't see me in the gym, something is seriously wrong.

That being said, here are a few pet peeves I have about the weight room, and I'm sure I'm not alone.

Re-rack your weights

For all you tough-guy power lifters out there -- leg pressing 500 pounds -- please have the courtesy to take some of those 45-pound plates off and put them back where you got them. Nobody likes searching the entire weight room to find a pair of weights that wasn't remotely close to the bench he was using.

Cell phones

For your information, I don't care about who hooked up with whom at the Delta Gamma formal, who is trying to steal your boyfriend or why you need your parents to send you more money. The gym is for working out, not for socializing.

Nothing bothers me more than when you sit on the bike, read your People magazine, chat on your cell phone and pedal slower than grass grows. You're not working out; stop wasting everyone's time.

Clean up your mess

I appreciate the fact that you work out so hard that you are dripping sweat. What I don't appreciate is when you leave the weight room immediately after getting off the recumbent bike, leaving a filthy pool of sweat for me to clean up or for other patrons to be disgusted by.

There are spray bottles filled with cleaning solution and an abundance of towels scattered about the entire facility. Please do us all a favor and use them, bro.

Bro'in out

Listen Boomer, we know you are really excited to see your bros and show off your guns, but please: Keep the flexing to a minimum. If you live in the dorms, every room comes equipped with a mirror -- you can practice your narcissism there.

Please remember these few rules (among many) when you compile your New Year's resolutions. Every single patron of the Malley Fitness Center would appreciate it if you didn't bombard the gym with ignorance upon returning to campus next quarter, Brah.