Counter Culture

By Liz Helman

1. If it's still light out, don't bother leaving the residence halls. Hello out there? It was, like, 6:30 p.m. and I saw freshmen advancing on the party scene like a group of blood-thirsty Visagoths rushing to ransack the British coast line. It's okay to be fashionably late. If the party starts at nine, show up at 10 p.m.. Chances are at nine the hosts are still picking up the keg from Beverages and More or arguing with their roommates about who didn't do their job and clean the bathroom.

2. Just because a mixed drink tastes like Kool-aid doesn't mean it has a low alcohol content. Sure, it probably tastes great ... mmmmm, Hawaiian Punch. Toss back a couple sport cups of mystery juice and you will be sacrificing your dinner to the porcelain gods. If you wish to boldly go where no freshman has gone before and partake in the sweet nectar of someone's five gallon bucket, go ahead, but be willing to take the consequences.

3. Even in college, parties are never like they are in the movies. Contrary to what you may have seen in Animal House or PCU, there will never be a party to end all parties with smoke, lights and George Clinton and P-Funk. I hate to disappoint you, but the closest thing to a club atmosphere at a college party is, if you're lucky, a black light and portable stereo set up in someone's garage. It doesn't mean you can't have fun, just don't go in expecting to meet all these great people as you crowd surf through the rest of your class after they have cheered on your keg-stand.

Hey, these are just three tips I thought might help you have a better experience, take them or leave them, but never say you weren't warned.