Dads' praise proves invaluable for girls
By Colleen Snyder
A few weekends ago I was home with my family for my sister's birthday. We all went out to dinner at a nice restaurant, and since the occasion to dress up doesn't come too often for me, I decided to try and look halfway decent. My boyfriend met us at the restaurant and complimented me on looking very pretty, but when my dad told me the next day, "You looked really nice last night honey," it somehow meant much more.
I guess maybe the fact that I don't get compliments from my dad nearly as often as I get them from my boyfriend might have had something to do with my response, but I couldn't help wondering why this small, seemingly insignificant comment had such a profound impact on me.
Don't get me wrong, it's not like this is the first time my dad has ever complimented me on anything; he has been a source of abundant praise and encouragement all throughout my childhood and well into the present. It's just that the amount of satisfaction I got from this one comment caught me off guard.
It's amazing how significant an influence a father has on his daughter. The presence of a loving father can change a girl's life in many ways. With a loving and nurturing fatherly influence, a girl is more likely to succeed in school, less likely to get pregnant before she wants to and much more likely to have an increased confidence level overall. Most importantly, she is much less likely to get involved in or stay in any kind of abusive relationship with the opposite sex.
It is not a question of whether girls like or even need reinforcement from the opposite sex. In today's world, when so much of a girl's self image is dependent on what the media says is beautiful, and also what is deemed desirable by men, much of a girl's sense of self-worth sadly, but truly, stems directly from male approval.
Just ask any girl with a boyfriend whether having a boyfriend has made her more self-confident about herself. The answer will be an overwhelmingly "yes." This is because the knowledge that one guy approves of the way she looks, acts, dresses, thinks, etc., lets a girl know that she is okay.
I suppose the biology of it would say that she knows, as a result of even one man's approval, that she is capable of being cared for and protected by a man in the future. The comfort that follows the knowledge that someday, some man will want to be with her is, from an evolutionary standpoint (if none other), understandable. As I said, this affirmation seems to come from boyfriends much of the time. This can be good or bad.
Of course if your boyfriend is a nice guy and treats you with respect and love, then there is no worry about the source of approval. However, a girl that may not have gotten the sense of approval from a gentle boyfriend or a loving dad may resort to the first guy that comes along and asks her out on a date.
Who knows who that guy will be? Suppose he abuses her, calls her names and threatens her when she wants to go out without him? How will a girl know that this is not normal and that she deserves better?
When dads tell their daughters that they are smart, beautiful, capable people, they impart on their girls a very strong sense of self worth. Once daughters hear these words from their dads, they do not feel so desperate to hear them from other guys. So girls, next time dad gives you a compliment, listen. It seems we have much to gain from good ol' dad.