Dear Kiley (Week 3)
By TSC staff
"I broke up with my girlfriend two weeks ago. Her birthday is in two days. Should I do anything?"
- Bewildered Birthday
The answer to this one depends on a few things: how long you were dating, who broke things off, and how amicably you parted ways. If you were together for a long time (a year or more), she ended things, and you took the news pretty well — no use of derogatory five-letter "b" or "w" words — then a nice card or a phone call would be okay.
If you were only together for a short time, you broke things off, or things ended poorly between the two of you — raised voices, flying objects or your stuff on the lawn — it's probably not a good idea.
"I facebooked a cute girl in my class. Can I ask her about or bring up intriguing things that I found out?"
- Does His Research
Well, how suave are you? If you're awkward and obvious about it like, "I saw you were interested in climbing Mt. Kilimanjaro; I could totally come with you! It could be like a hiking date!", you'll make a fool of yourself and come off as that creepy facebook-stalker guy from class.
Now, if you're smooth about it, dropping a quote from a movie or show she likes, or referencing a book she mentions on her page, it looks like you two have something in common. Still creepy? Oh yeah. But she doesn't know that. As far as she can tell, you both love her favorite book/movie/show and are clearly meant to be together forever. Now, if you quote her favorite movie but haven't seen it yourself and she figures you out, you're on your own. So do your homework, and creep on, creeper.
"My friend always invites her boyfriend over when we are having girl's nights. Am I being out of line if I ask her to keep it just the girls?"
- Girl Power
I don't think so. Girl's nights, especially if you actually call them that, are a time for feminine debauchery, mindless gossip, and holding each other's hair back when someone has one too many wine coolers. Nobody wants a boy there to ruin all of that. Now, if your friend is the hostess, and she invites her boyfriend over to her own house, it's a little more acceptable. But if you're hosting the night at your house, or if you're out somewhere, and your friend's bf keeps crashing, it's totally okay to have a little chat with her.
Bring it up when it's just the two of you, and keep in mind that her boyfriend is probably very important to her, and she might be a little offended that you think he shouldn't be invited to your lady time. Try to explain how you feel without blaming her or her boyfriend and emphasize how much fun you have when it's just the girls.
After a teary hug, you'll be on your way to Safeway for Ben & Jerry's, Kleenex and "The Notebook."
Dear Kiley is a personal advice column run byThe Santa Clara. Submit your questions for Kiley to TSCscene@gmail.com. The Santa Clara reserves the right to modify questions as it sees fit for brevity, clarity and suitability. All questions will remain anonymous.