Dear Kiley (Week 4)
"I'm a senior and just started seeing a freshman. I'm worried my friends will tease me or things will be really awkward when we're out with other people. Is this a bad idea?"
— Cradle Robber
Not to be stereotypical, but this usually depends on the genders of the respective parties. Sticking to a heterosexual couple, if the senior is a female and the freshman a male, problems are more than likely going to arise. Yes, your friends will probably make fun of you, or him, and going out will be hard, if only because you won't be able to go to the bars together; and let's be honest, what self-respecting senior is going to give up Tuesdays at the Hut? Now, if the senior in this situation is a male, and the freshman is a female, that's a different story. Your friends' jokes will most likely be of the jealous nature (punch-lines involving jail bait come to mind), and most of them will probably want to know if she has any hot friends. Going out is still a little tricky, but getting an underage chick into a bar isn't the hardest thing in the world. And if you throw a party, nobody will question a huge group of freshmen girls showing up.
How soon can I date a girl who's friends with my ex?
— Ex-tremely Friendly
How good of friends are they? Not to cheapen their friendship or anything, but if they're only acquaintances that see each other now and then, I think it's safe to
dive right in. Of course, if you and your ex were together for a while, it's respectful not to date anyone for at least a few weeks, but after that, go for it. If they're somewhat close, sorority sisters or dorm buddies for example, I'd wait a little longer, maybe a month or two. After that, take it slowly, keep it casual and let the new girl call the shots; she'll have a much better idea of how your ex is responding to the new situation. Now, if this girl and your ex are besties, bffls, or go by any other term that makes you want to gag when you hear it, stay away. In girlworld, no amount of time makes it acceptable for that one.
The woman I'm secretly in love with just broke up with her longterm boyfriend. How long should I wait? —Patient Love
Nice! I mean...that's really sad for her, I hope she's okay. But for you, that's great news. As a friend, your first job is to be supportive of her as she goes through her breakup. But don't fret; while you're buying her more Ben & Jerry's, picking up her dirty Kleenex, and nodding vehemently while she blabbers through her tears about something you can't quite understand, she'll be taking stock. Even in her weakened state, she's still noting your supportiveness, your loyalty, and your ability to cheer her up. Using girl logic, those things add up to only one thing—boyfriend material. So while you may want to rush right into things with your newly single friend, be patient. And when her grieving period is over and she's ready to jump back into the dating scene, guess who'll be her first choice?
Dear Kiley is a personal advice column run by The Santa Clara. Submit your questions to TSCscene@gmail.com. The Santa Clara reserves the right to modify questions as it sees fit for brevity, clarity and suitability. All questions will remain anonymous.