Dear Kiley (Week 6)

Over winter break, a friend from school came to stay with my family and me at our house. While she was there, she hooked up with my brother. I didn't find out until she drunkenly confessed to me weeks later. She seems to think it's no big deal, but I'm not so sure. Is it totally off-base for me to be upset?

 Not at all! I can completely see where you're coming from, and your discomfort with the situation is definitely acceptable. As far as where to go from here, I think talking to your friend is the best first step. Let her know how you're feeling and that you're uncomfortable with what went down between her and your bro. Odds are, she'll apologize profusely and swear never to do it again.

Now, if there are feelings between her and your brother, that makes it an entirely different situation. If this was just the beginning of a long line of late-night, wait-til-the-fam's-asleep rendezvous, you're going to have to decide whether or not you're okay with that kind of set-up. Be completely honest with yourself, your friend and your brother about how the possibility of a relationship between them makes you feel. Then try to be open to what the other two have to say about it, maybe there's been a blossoming romance you never noticed. And when you're done sorting that out, check out her family reunion, maybe there's a cute cousin you haven't met.

I'm a senior and my boyfriend of more than a year is a junior. I'm graduating after this quarter and plan to move up to the city, but my boyfriend and I haven't talked about what that means for our relationship. How do I tell him I'm questioning whether we should stay together?

Well, congratulations on graduating early! I'm sure this relationship thing is casting a huge shadow on how exciting this part of your life should be. The best way to take care of that is to get your feelings out in the open and make sure you and your boyfriend are on the same page.

Approach the topic as honestly as you can, letting him know exactly how you feel and what your reasoning is for wanting to be single after graduation (although consider leaving out your hope that you'll run off to Tahiti with some insanely rich investment banker you meet in a bar…or maybe that's just me). Then be open to what he has to say, maybe you're not the only one who thinks breaking it off is a good idea, or maybe he has compelling reasons the two of you should give it a shot after you leave school. However the conversation goes, you'll feel a lot better once you've had it. Maybe you'll be more committed than ever, or maybe you'll finally get the chance to hook up with the cutie you've been eyeing since orientation.

I'm sick of hooking up with randoms at parties, how do I start looking for something a little more serious?

Sounds like someone's taken one too many walks of shame. Well, clear out that pile of sweatshirts with random last names and let's get to work on finding you someone who'll actually drive you home in the morning! The best relationships are the ones that start as friendships, so put on your new relationship glasses and take another look at your group of friends. Maybe there's someone you'd like to get to know better one-on-one, but have only hung out with in groups. Or maybe you've always had an eye for the cutie down the hall, but have only exchanged awkward greetings on your walk back from the shower. Either way, the key to finding a relationship is changing your mindset. Once you've decided you're ready for something more serious than a Jager-induced makeout sesh, you'll start to see there are opportunities all around. So next time your towel-clad dorm buddy struts down the hall, ask if he/she wants to grab dinner in Benson. Who knows, maybe ten years from now you'll re-live that meal before tying the knot in Mission Church; or maybe you'll realize watching him/her walk by in a towel is about as much as you want to do with them. Either way, you're one step closer to finding someone who'll actually know your name in the morning.

Dear Kiley is a personal advice column run byThe Santa Clara. Submit your questions to TSCscene@gmail.com. The Santa Clara reserves the right to modify questions as it sees fit for brevity, clarity and suitability. All questions will remain anonymous.