Dear Kiley (Week 8)

I've been hooking up with this girl for a few weeks now, and even though both of us agreed to keep things casual, she's starting to treat me more like a boyfriend. How do I tell her I'm really only interested in the hookups?

        —Hit it ‘n Quit it

Well, that's awkward. I'd like to say I feel bad for you, but let's be honest, did you really think you could just get jiggy with this chick and she'd be okay with the whole no strings attached thing?

Watch any episode of "The Real World" and you'll realize pretty quickly that we ladies aren't exactly pros at separating love and lust. But now that you're in this age-old predicament, how to deal with it?

This depends mostly on how committed you are to staying uncommitted.

1) If you're single and hoping to mingle with as many girls as possible for as long as possible, consider this one collateral damage and cut your ties. Let her know things are getting too serious and you don't want her to get hurt (you're such a gentleman). 2) But if you're beginning to realize that this girl is actually pretty cool (you can actually stand the post-hookup pillow talk), and you're not completely opposed to more than a purely physical relationship, just go with the flow. If she's hoping things will develop beyond hooking up, she'll do the work.

All you need to do is stay open to suggestions for hanging out without excessive consumption of booze (followed by a stumbling trek to one of your respective beds), and things will start to change pretty naturally. If it turns out she's not exactly what you had in mind, and hooking up really was just about all you could handle, see number one.  

I've noticed my boyfriend's been spending a lot more time with his female best friend. I know they're close, but I'm beginning to think something might be going on between them. Should I be worried?

        — Casually Cautious

The short answer: probably not. It seems to me most girls get a little over-anxious about their boyfriends' relationships with other women. Most of the time, they really are just friends and you have absolutely nothing to be worried about, except maybe your jealous tendencies. But every once in a while there really is something more going on, in which case the only person who needs to be worried is your boyfriend. If you really, actually, seriously, truly believe something might be going on between them, keep an eye out. Most likely you'll realize they've been spending more time together because they're friends and they like spending time together.

But if she stops by Saturday at 2 a.m. and looks surprised to see you in his bed, or you find lacey little numbers lying around his room that aren't yours (assuming they're also not his, which is cool, if you're into that), then it's time to ask him outright. If he avoids the question or gets defensive, your instincts were most likely on target, and feel free to re-enact any crazy ex-girlfriend country song of your choosing; a personal favorite: "Before He Cheats" by Carrie Underwood. There's something about violence toward a man's car that's truly cathartic.

Dear Kiley is a personal advice column run by The Santa Clara. Submit your questions to TSCscene@gmail.com. The Santa Clara reserves the right to modify questions as it sees fit for brevity, clarity and suitability. All questions will remain anonymous.