Differences can show underlying similarities

By Tara King

I'm sure that everyone has had an experience during the first visit to a friend's house when you notice something that contrasts dramatically from your own family. Maybe, it is the 20 pairs of shoes in a pile by the front door, the smell of the house when you first walk in, the type of food that is served for dinner or perhaps even the affection shown between the parents. We've all had these experiences at some point, and noticed these sometimes not-so-subtle differences.

These differences between family lifestyles may be shocking at first, but at the same time these should be seen as welcoming. More often than not, these experiences tend to explain a lot about the world, the way our society interacts and the way we create norms. I can remember vividly a day when I was at my childhood friend's house. It was my first visit when both her father and mother were home. I remember walking inside and seeing her parents curled up on the couch together, watching television. I was shocked. Coming from a background where my parents did not get along, I felt like I was witnessing something not meant for my eyes. This was the first time in my memory that I realized some parents did like each other and show affection.

These family differences can also explain a lot of things one may find puzzling about their friends. Despite the fact that my parents did not get along when I was young, I grew up in an extremely affectionate household. I can only assume that the affection my parents withheld from each other was redirected toward my brother and me. My different background partially accounts for my confusion about one of my closest friends. This particular friend is one of the most compassionate people I've ever known. However, she is rather "stingy" with her hugs. I have never understood why she shied away from the physical affection to which I was so accustomed, until she explained that her family did not often express affection by hugging. Now, when my friend does hug me, it means even more because I know what this type of affection means to her.

The interesting thing about family differences is that sometimes they can show us how similar we really are -- even when it seems we are opposite. Another one of my childhood friends grew up with parents who had a very special relationship. One day she opened up to me and told me about her deepest fears. My friend confided that she believed that it was unlikely that she would ever find a beautiful and lasting relationship like the one she witnessed between her parents. I, too, had shared the same fear. Except my fear was that I would find the kind of relationship my parents had shared. I was blown away by how two people from such different experiences could share in such a similar concern.

Differences are only dividing when they are not attempted to be understood. The process of gaining this understanding is a long one. It is exhausting to stretch oneself to imagine life from a perspective that is foreign to ones own. But through this work, an undeniable jewel is found. This jewel is what is at the heart of humanity. It is the idea that we all, at the core, are the same. We all feel, we all hurt and we all bleed. It is expected that finding a true understanding of differences will be an arduous journey, but the effort is worth the satisfaction that comes in the end.

Tara King is a senior political science major.