Don't be ashamed, buy the cheap beer

By Katie Powers

Here's a question most college students could answer: What's best cold, semi-tasteless and in a red cup?

Cheap beer will always be the quintessential college drink, but the question many have debated is which college beer tastes the best. It turns out that Keystone Light deserves to be mocked, shunned and disgraced no more.

In a blind taste test, Keystone Light beat out Heineken Premium Light, Coors Light and Bud Light as the best all-around beer.

Yes, this beer, which claims to be "always smooth, even when you're not," comes with cheesy posters of itself in those giant cases of 30 stones. But inside the epic mountains that line the Keystone label on the can lies a beer with just the right combination of smoothness, taste and quality to make this brew No. 1.

It was a sunny, but slightly breezy, Thursday evening when we gathered 13 testers, all of whom are 21 years and older, to participate in the blind beer taste test.

Student leaders, administrators and faculty members were invited to represent the array of diverse tastes and interests on campus. Unfortunately, all but two faculty and administrators either politely declined or ignored our requests to participate.

Fortunately, The Santa Clara's two photo-journalism advisors accepted. Despite the fact that one stopped halfway through, our advisors provided a perspective that was beyond what we consider every Tuesday, Thursday, Friday and Saturday night. To summarize their wise perspective, well, it was basically that these beers are awful.

Members from Santa Clara Review, KSCU, Santa Clara Community Action Program, Multicultural Center, Associated Students and some The Santa Clara editors lined themselves around a long table, probably used for some kind of table tennis game or other drinking event, and sampled the beverages in cups A, B, C and D.

The testers were instructed to rank the beers on a 1 through 10 scale -- one meaning almost undrinkable, with 10 as most delicious -- based on the categories of taste, smoothness and quality.

When asked what participants look for in a good beer, almost every response included price -- which ultimately meant cheap. A few included chug-ability and beer-bongable, but I won't mention names.

Participants also mentioned that they wanted "good taste," "not too bitter" and "smoothness." Alex Cheung of the Chinese Student Association said he looks for a "light brown color, nutty, toasty flavor, cold, not too bitter."

After her first sample, Santa Clara Review Associate Editor Mikalina Celani wrote, "Tastes like college."

Dan McSweeney, alumnus and photojournalism professor, stopped ranking each beer, describing them as "foul." He then wrote, "I don't recall beer tasting this bad when I was at SCU, but I had other things on my mind."

Tasters took their time sipping each beer, swishing it in their mouths and pondering. Rather than the "mmms" and "awws" that might accompany gourmet taste tests, this group of tasters scrunched their faces and pondered why none of the beers really tasted good at all.

Erin Welke, design editor for The Santa Clara, ranked Beer A (Coors Light) as her favorite beer, which she also correctly identified. She wrote it "tastes like water, but fits well with my criteria." Among her criteria was "cheap and not too bitter."

News editor Mary Georgevich sat down in a chair while contemplating which beer was which. She named Beer D (Keystone Light) "Smooth, easiest to drink," though she incorrectly identified it as Coors Light, a more expensive product from the same company.

A few tasters commented that Beer B (Heineken Premium Light) was darker and more flavorful and tasted heavier than the others. It still stumped many tasters, however -- which is why it was in the test to begin with.

Santa Clara campus photographer and professor Chuck Barry wrote of the beers, "These are all a good value if you're using them to kill slugs in your garden."

Ashley Charlton, a member of Associated Students, said she looks for beers with a light flavor and a good aftertaste. After sampling Beer B (Heineken Premium Light), she wrote, "Smells really bad -- rotten skunkish smell." She guessed the beer was Fat Tire. After sampling Beer D (Keystone Light), which she gave the highest overall score, she wrote, "Watered down, aftertaste isn't too bad."

It seems that Keystone Light might have been the least of evils in this taste test of light beers.

Most of the tasters had a rough time distinguishing between the four light beers. Of the 13 participants, six could not name one beer correctly. Three tasters named one beer correctly, two named two and one person, Alicia Nguyen, director of MCC, accurately named three out of four. Despite saying she wasn't much of a beer drinker at the beginning of the testing, she wins as the true college beer connoisseur.

Heineken Premium Light, the most expensive of the four beers, came in second place. Coors Light came in third place overall, with Bud Light last.

Perhaps the best cheap beer is really just the cheapest.

Richard Nieva contributed to this report. Contact Katie Powers at (408) 551 -1918 or krpowers@scu.edu.