Don't rush the crush

By Pearl Wong

Let's face it. We all have crushes, whether they are budding girl crushes, "hottest boy of the summer" crushes or "dude, this could be love!" crushes.

Crushes come, crushes go; some fade into distant memory while others actually develop to become the loves of our lives. As we try not to revert back to our early hormonal teen years, our romantic interests sometimes land us in awkward social situations.

What to do? Dive in head first or hang back to see if there is any real connection? As we grapple between lustful yearnings and those rare true loves, here is some guidance from yours truly on how to act like you're not crushing -- because sometimes we just don't know if the crush is worth it or not, at least not right away.

1. Look your crush square in the eye whenever you see him or her: on campus, off campus, in Safeway or even in the bathroom. You should smile when your eyes meet, but try not to fake it or seem overly enthusiastic.

Doing so might seem to be the first step towards showing someone how you feel, but the reality is that people cannot tell what you are thinking by looking at your eyes alone. As long as you are calm and collected, you can express absolutely no romantic fantasies through your eyes.

However, beware of certain people who possess especially alluring eyes -- think Jane Austen's Elizabeth Bennet. While you may start out calm, you could lose yourself in your crush's eyes and that just will not do.

2. Situations where you find yourself in close proximity to your crush for an extended amount of time -- let's say, more than five minutes -- provide you with a few options:

a. If there are many other people in the room, consider yourself relatively safe. While you're staring -- because, inadvertently, you know exactly where your crush is at all times even when the room is quite large -- remember there are people around that could be watching!

The moment your romantic interest walks through the door, count to three and look somewhere else for a count of seven. Repeat until your crush leaves the room and try not to follow him or her.

b. If you happen to be alone with a significant other who doesn't know they're significant, you may skip to number four.

3. If for some reason you lose count -- there you go, losing yourself in those eyes! -- and your crush catches you staring, refer back to number one. Do not run away under any circumstance! Also, if you somehow lose track of where your crush has gone, do not panic and do not start looking around anxiously.

4. If you are engaged in a chat with your crush and manners require you keep your part of the conversation alive, try not to ask too many personal questions. Others may spot the drilling series of inquiries, see it as prying and jump to conclusions you don't want anyone to jump in. If you can't help it, then try to excuse yourself from the situation. Or, you can just stop talking.

5. You can sit near your crush, but it is not recommended to sit directly next to him or her. Think about where your crush is before you take a seat and remember number two-a. Of course, if your crush comes to sit next to you, don't move away. In such instances, refer back to number four and try not to appear as though you're in a hurry to get away.

6. When you're emotionally and mentally ready, approach your crush to initiate a casual conversation. When the talk dies down, let it and walk away as though someone just called your name -- so you can quietly rewind the last few moments of your life over and over again. Thankfully, your brainwaves are not of the same quality as VCR tapes and these moments are stored safely in your inner HDTV.

Unless you get hit with a speeding lacrosse ball, in which case you may lose your memories from the resulting concussion.

7. Always remember: you are not alone. Everyone experiences crushes, so we all know what a crusher looks like! Lay low if you can't act normally or if you experience trouble following the list.

If for some reason these foolproof guidelines don't work for you, don't blame the outline. You're probably just a terrible actor. Not to mention that this could be love. Why don't you just go for it?

Pearl Wong is a sophomore economics major.