Double dose of drivel in the Empire State

By Marcy Redmond

Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen's latest flick, "New York Minute," is a predictable and annoying roller coaster ride around New York City with a pathetic plot, forgettable characters, and several one-liners from hell. The film's antics put any self-respecting scriptwriter to shame, despite the disturbing pleasure of seeing Ashley Olsen's character fall into the toilet of a public restroom. Simple Plan fans, prepare to be disappointed. Much of the plot involves the punk music act, in a public relations move that screams sell-out.

Director Dennie Gordon's third feature film, which was co-produced by the Olsens, follows prim and preppy Jane Ryan (Ashley Olsen) and her unruly sister Roxy (Mary-Kate Olsen) on the craziest day of their lives. While Jane is preparing to give a speech at Columbia University in a competition to win a scholarship to Oxford, Roxy is skipping school to give her band's demo tape to Simple Plan at their video shoot.

As could be expected, their plans go haywire and the pair wind up being chased all over Manhattan by both an over-zealous truancy officer (Eugene Levy) and a wimpy mobster (Andy Richter). Without giving too much away, it's safe to say the twins have every kind of adventure imaginable, including a Matrix-style Kung Fu battle in the subway, an African American salon makeover, a stage-diving incident and of course, cute boys. Their "Full House" dad Bob Saget even makes a split-second cameo appearance.

The film's cinematography is not simply a series of boring shots, but the fast-paced camera movement and split-screen action seems out of place for a film featuring the former "Full House" stars.

While rumor has it Mary-Kate and Ashley are trying to break away from their " Olsen twins" images, this film does nothing to forward either actress's career. They might better achieve this if they stopped playing twins in movies.

Perhaps the best synopsis of this movie was a line spoken by Jane, when referring to a valuable microchip swallowed by Rodney, the movie's canine representative. "That dog is my life," she said. "And when he poops, his poop is my life."

Ashley could not have more accurately summed up the idiotic slapstick humor that this movie serves its teenybopper audience. Do yourself a favor, skip the toilet humor, and find something better to do this Friday night.

Grade: C-

û Contact Marcy Redmond at mredmond@scu.edu