Ex-prez supports Broncos

By Jack Ferdon

Here is a little known fact: Former President Bill Clinton is big fan of Santa Clara basketball. Recently, The Santa Clara chatted with him about this year's team.

The Santa Clara: For how long have you supported the Broncos?

Bill: Whenever I visited Chelsea at Stanford, I'd sneak down here to take in a game and check out the Betties. Stanford has better SAT scores, but Santa Clara has more talent. Know what I mean?

TSC: So it wasn't because both Santa Clara and your alma mater, Georgetown, are Jesuit schools. Speaking of which, how did the Jesuits influence your morals?

Bill: The who? My what?

TSC: How is Hilary and how has her work in the Senate affected your marriage?

Bill: Who? My what?

TSC: Before we get to Santa Clara hoops, what do you think of Bush?

Bill: He's pathetic. Ted Kennedy told me he hasn't bagged one intern in the Oval Office, or as I like to call it, the "Oh! Oh! Room." Get it?

TSC: What about the First Lady?

Bill: She looks a little sloppy. But ask me about her daughters.

TSC: How about the play of Bakari Altheimer and Jim Howell in recent games?

Bill: Them's my boys. They can straight-up ball.

TSC: Do you think Santa Clara can beat Gonzaga this weekend?

Bill: I don't know, but Mark Few is scary looking. Get that man some Oxy 10. I think he's named after the number of times he's been laid. What a tool.

TSC: Considering that Ken Starr used to teach at Pepperdine, you must really want the Broncos to beat the Waves.

Bill: Oh yeah. He ain't nothing but a player hater.

TSC: Will you be attending any games at Leavey this year?

Bill: To paraphrase Tom Paine, wherever there are hootchies, bootchies and smoochies, that's where I'll be.