False labels fool students
By Sean Mendelson
Here comes the real deal spiel. Let me just rattle of the ambiguities of everyday life. I'm sure you will agree. I give each paragraph a heading so you can skip ambiguities that you aren't interested in.
"No Rub" contact formula - Bausch and Lomb put out this no rub solution and I bought it thinking I could squirt the contact lens with this "most convenient" formula and just toss the lens it in my eye. This is a gimmick. If you look at the instructions on the back of the container it says "Step one: place solution on each side of lens and rub for 20 seconds." So let me get this straight, not only to I have to rub the "no rub" solution (I never even rubbed with the regular formula), but I have to do it for a third of a minute. Call 1-800-553-5340 to complain like me.
Graphic day-time radio ads - So I don't know if this ever happened to anyone else but it's really embarrassing when I'm in the car with my family going to lunch and a "penis-enlargement" ad comes on. What is happening to our world? It was bad enough when the strip club ads started coming on during the day and the sexy girl voice comes over the radio waves and says "ooooh" and "ahhhh." Now all the smut of the world can be heard by children on the way back home from school.
The Bronco - It's the coolest place to go on campus, so why aren't you there right now?
TRL - Why is it on TV but why can't I look away?
Grand Theft Auto III - Is it me or is that game having more effect on drivers' mental state then normal.
T-Tops - Why the hell did the roof of my car fly off on highway 280 and why were the police unable to find it?
Friendliness - Why don't people say hi to each other on campus?
Dating - According to my roommate, people are either almost married or single on this campus. Why don't people date on this campus?
The Osbournes - It's so damn funny and yet so damn stupid.
This column - Why are you still reading this column, aren't you enlightened enough?
Until next time, this is S. Middy signing off.