Fatcats destroy playoffs

By Bruce Martinez

My intrepid reporting has led to one conclusion: baseball needs less fatcats. Less fatcats would equal more enjoyment for all the regular cats out there. Like me.

The fatcats have dictated that the ticket prices for playoff baseball be much higher than during the regular season. Take the Oakland Athletics for example. They'd be a good franchise with a lot of normal everyday cats in the locker room. Low payroll and chill muthas everywhere. So what does management decide to do? They get the jive idea to raise ticket prices to a level that nobody but fatcats could afford. So the A's didn't even sell out a Sunday afternoon "win-or-go-home" game. The problem was a financial one.

All the cats that are true fans were stuck watching the game from the bars on the waterfront and along east 14th. They weren't at the game where the players could have used their vibe.

Instead you had the fatcats weakly cheering and not even inspiring the cats down on the field. It was weak. Like hearing a white man cover Isaac Hayes or a watered down Hennessey and orange juice.

The A's could have kept prices down and invited everyone to the party. It could have been a stone groove. It could have been.

So what do we have here? The Twins going on to the VIP room of the club while the A's pack up and take a walk. Those Twins may not be the coolest cats in the world, but at least they let us normal cats into the party.

These brothas almost ready to make the mother land. If they get there they'll be loud with their people behind screaming and waving do'rags in the air. It will be a sight to see, all them fools hoisting some gold shouting bling bling in the Minnesota snow; it will be a sight. You just be ready now, you dig?