Gambling makes Super Bowl better

By Josh Griffin

Super Bowl Sunday coincides with beautifully depraved activity, none of which I can say that I regret.

The best part of this great American holiday is the gambling. My only regret from the day was my lack of participation in the gambling circuit. In fact, the only thing I gambled on all day was taking my buddy's 100-1 odds that the Raiders would come back and win after the half (needless to say, I spent the end of the third quarter and beginning of the fourth soiling myself.)

I would have created the following list of bets. These would be chosen on an over/under basis, and the individual getting the most questions correct would win the pot.

- Subway Jared commercials aired after kickoff. (7.5)

- Jared commercials aired before The Griff throws a shoe at the TV. (0.5)

- Times The Griff threatens to turn off the TV in disgust over Raider success. (7.5)

- Times John Madden says "This is what it's all about" before three minutes of nostalgic blabber. (8.5)

- Estimated time in the game where The Griff cries tears of joy over the Raider collapse, should it happen. (Halftime)

- Lame jokes made about a lame Canadian singing "God Bless America" among your friends. (11.5)

- Clips of Al Davis that make him look like a truck driver that stole Marv Albert's toupee. (42.5)

- Running time from kickoff to the end of the game. (seven hours, 23 minutes)

- Shots of Warren Sapp at the post-game buffet line (2.5).

- Times in the last five years that The Griff has chosen the correct Super Bowl champion prior to the end of the game. (0.5)

- Times this columnist can refer to himself as The Griff before turning into LeBron James. (75.5)