Gender roles slow to change

By Maryann Dakkak

This might come as a surprise to most, but I hate being on soap boxes. I really don't like public speaking, and I hate imposing any of my opinions on anyone else. But today a friend came up to me and sparked a small issue with me.

"Why is it that unless you act like a man you can't be respected, and unless you act like a woman you can't be desired?" freshman Jenn Bevard asked me. She's wise for her years.

Now, we're talking about strict gender roles here. I've always stayed away from calling myself a feminist. I feel that the one huge flaw with most modern feminism is the embracing of the male gender role as also female and the negligence of raising the female gender role out of its negative connotations. What is a feminist if she supports the aggressive, outspoken, confident, powerful roles typically seen as male and neglects the caring, sensitive, emotional, questioning female roles that I as a woman find maybe even superior to those traditional roles of men?

And why do we women often have to chose between being respected or desired? As our culture is slowly opening up the gender roles toward women and we are stepping up to voice ourselves more, I feel that the opening up of culture toward men accepting this has been much slower. Yes, strong women find it easy to find male friends and allies and supporters. But it seems much harder to be seen in a romantic light once the gender boundaries have been blurred.

I was asked once if I still was attracted to men. When I laughed and said "yes, why?" the answer had to do with the fact that I no longer talked about men and didn't seem to put any thought into what I wore. And I laughed although I was really angry inside. Whether I like men is based on whether they're my biggest conversation topic and whether I wear fashionable clothing? Well then, I guess I don't like men, or at least not by some cultural standard I don't embrace.

Jenn asked another question, "Where are they hiding?" She assumes, and I hope, that there are men out here who don't embrace these cultural standards as well. Some men speak out, saying openly that they don't care about the superficial, and eagerly support and love the true person. But where are the others? There is a lack of place for men to break out of their cultural stigmas.

So I guess we're still struggling. Women with their newfound confusion and place that they can make for themselves, and men as to how to accept this. But Jenn and I are waiting and hoping.