Girls go wild in Malley

By Jack Ferdon

Drunk girls. They make everything better, but especially intramural basketball.

The senior girls of Team Green stepped onto the court at Malley recently looking for the first win of their Santa Clara intramural careers, but not before they downed a few cocktails.

"I'm not gonna lie - that pitcher is starting to get to me," said Chrissie Walsh early in the game, speaking perhaps for the whole squad.

Team Green - whose motto, according to Tara Seraka, is "We don't need luck; we have Bud Light" - put on a clinic in blotto basketball. There was lots of sloppy ball handling, aimless wandering and a general uncertainty about what was going on. (Late in the first half, Erica Swenson asked, "How many periods are there?")

But more importantly, the girls had cute outfits. Among the haute highlights were Anne-Marie LaVoie's fuzzy green slippers and Blair Harris' Union Jack boxing shorts with gray knee socks.

Katie Hayley capped Green's first half scoring with a basket at the 11-minute mark. It made the score 36-4 and inspired Green's bench to rush the court for some frenzied shrieking.

Later in the half, an opposing player did something that caused Walsh to shout, "I'm gonna foul the crap out of this woman."

She got her chance moments later, when the intended target dribbled up the sideline. Walsh made a lunging attempt at a tackle, but Chrissie's motor skills were long gone, and the ball handler got away unscathed.

Annie Melson would score the team's final points with a layup late in the second half. This brought the score to 77-6 and briefly had Green thinking comeback. But the other team closed the game out with a 20-0 run despite Green's desperate and vicious attempts to foul them.

Said Hayley afterwards, "That was one of our better games."