Heat up your love-life burners

By Katie Powers

Do you find yourself wanting, yearning, wishing for romance at this time in the year?

This is winter quarter wanting season, when the fun spontaneity of hookups has lost its appeal, Valentine's Day is right around the corner and all you really want to do on Saturday night is stay in and watch a movie with that special someone.

Well lucky for you, I have a new philosophy of life. As one of the many singles-and-looking, I am now living a life of the four burners.

Ah, but what is this ultimate paradigm I propose?

It's the most organized technique of keeping track of your four favorite crushes.

Envision your kitchen (not going gender role on you, we're just turning up the heat), walk to where all the chemical changes take place (i.e. romance!) and look at the lovely four burners staring so symmetrically at you.

Hello, burners. We begin the metaphor.

First, there is the coveted first burner spot where you place your No. 1 crush. Whichever hypothetical lover you crave with the most desire is here, and the heat is on high. Add some cayenne pepper!

Next, there is the second burner. This is your next-in-line. You like this prospect, too, but not quite as much as the first.

Maybe this one is more realistic, or vice versa, but if you can't have the best, take the second-in-line, where the heat simmers at medium high.

Then come the third and fourth burners for your third- and fourth- place crushes, respectively. Third burner is reserved for someone you may not know as well, or perhaps that really cute face you wouldn't mind staring at more. This crush is at medium low.

Your fourth burner is at low, but since we're cooking, why not go all out? The more prospects you have, the more likely you are to really make some magic happen in the kitchen.

Sure, this concept may seem silly, but when you are hungry and on the hunt, this philosophy is a great tool to waste time and let all your friends know your romantic rankings.

The four burners philosophy provides an apt, visual image to your love life.

Don't think your love life doesn't exist if your single; it's just cooking away, simmering until the moment it's ready.

This philosophy is also endlessly metaphorically pleasing. Heat up the third burner, cool down the second.

Set a timer on a burner or put someone new on the back burner. Add some spice into a burner for deliciousness. Tasty possibilities almost always ensue.

But with cooking comes learning.

Just don't get burnt.