'Hook-up' article misguided

By Jessica Coblentz

When I opened last week's issue of The Santa Clara to find the article entitled "Dating in a world of commitment-phobes," I was excited.

It is my job as a Hackworth Fellow to converse with my peers about romance and religion, so I eagerly read this fresh perspective on a topic to which I have devoted so much time and interest.

After reading the article, however, I was extremely disappointed.

While the writer's honesty made for an entertaining piece, the content she presented pointed to a disturbing contradiction in Santa Clara's romance culture that continues to surface in my research -- a contradiction that the article did not critically examine.

Many students seek committed, romantic relationships, yet engage in hook-ups that are characteristically non-committal. These same students then get upset when their partners do not ultimately commit to them.

Is complaining about "commitment-phobes" justified when the initial terms -- "hook-up buddies" -- are founded on non-commitment?

Sure, sometimes hook-ups lead to committed relationships, but is anyone really in the wrong when they do not?

I am not arguing that non-committal relationships are wrong altogether. What alarms me is the finger-pointing, the contradicting expectations and the emotional distress all of this hooking-up causes.

I am also concerned because research shows that it is young women who disproportionately fall into this mentality. My conversations on campus have confirmed this.

Why do we think that our partners will commit when we have hooked-up on non-committal terms? Can we hold our "hook-up buddies" accountable for a relationship that we both did not agree to?

Committing to something more than the physical from the onset of a relationship might set a good precedence for long-term romance. Start with friendship, or a date where you can spend time talking and learning about each other.

By becoming friends or dating first, when you ask your partner to commit to romance, it might be less of a stretch. That way, you will avoid giving the impression that your libido was the only part of you that was interested in the relationship.

Do not fall victim to a hook-up culture that preys on your mixed expectations, or a dating protocol that assumes your dependency on someone else.

Let's save ourselves anxiety and emotional distress by taking responsibility for both hook-ups and committed relationships. They are the product of two very different mentalities, and we are only deceiving ourselves when we think otherwise.

Jessica Coblentz is a senior religious studies and women and gender studies double major.