Identify your dance stylings
By Molly Gore
We have all moved from the straight-armed grade-school slow-dances to the sweaty, crowded, high school gymnasium floors coated with hair spray.
Whether we are trying too hard to look good, or not trying at all, we have all developed into some kind of dancer.
Even if all you do is flare your nostrils to the beat of a good song, you are a dancer -- and an unconventionally talented one at that.
You have most likely seen these dances emerge from the woodwork late at night when the music grows loud and inhibitions are low. Regardless of the dance, one thing is clear: All the dancers think they are pretty good at what they do.
So this winter, as you are warming up at your favorite house party locale, make sure you look for all of these dances -- and dancers.
The close grinder
The women will rub against whoever's front thigh or backside they find closest. The men slouch their shoulders, subtly bob to the beat of the music, and hunt for the nearest sweaty woman. The dancer uses a rhythm of squatting and swaying, pressing the backside of the woman securely to him. They are both remarkably self-assured.
Soundtrack: Lil' John, 50 Cent, Jay-Z
Evolved slowdancer
This girl dances by herself for the beginning of a song, sees an unassuming, wavering man and glides over to place her arms around his neck. Reactions are varied.
Soundtrack: "NOW That's What I Call Music" volumes 2-6, Mandy Moore, N'Sync, Boyz II Men
The beat-man
Probably sitting on the couch, adrift in smoke, and jutting the rhythm of the song by striking his flat hand through the air in a repeated motion, usually lip-synching words.
Soundtrack: Rap or reggae, Talib Kweli, Tupac
Contemporary aerobic stylist
Exemplifies the failings of any kind of modern dance class, has carefully calculated moves that involve stepping around rhythmically and overcompensating with the arms while still looking at the feet out of embarrassment or for assurance.
Soundtrack: What everyone else likes
The exclaimer
Has a lot of friends and a lot of inside jokes. Hears a song they know, exclaims, "Ooohhh!" and frantically searches for the person/people with whom they have a personal connection, joke or understanding of the song. When the desired party is found, the dancer grabs them by the hand and pulls them into the room and they begin to sing the song loudly to each other.
Soundtrack: '90s pop, Dixie Chicks, Tom Petty, "Rich Girl" by Hall & Oates
Raver
Usually emerges later in the night to techno beats or electronic club music. This involves rapid hand movement above the head in an exceptionally dark room with a handful of other sweaty people. There is minimal interaction among the group; they are all absorbed in the moment.
Soundtrack: Peaches, Justice, trance and house music
The use-his-drink-as-a-prop guy
Wanders around holding a cup or can all night, and when the bass beat of a smooth Top 40 song hits the rafters, begins to bob his head and extends the arm holding his beverage at a 45-degree angle towards the ceiling. May begin to grind (see "close grinder").
Soundtrack: Billboard Top 40, excluding Maroon 5
The artistic literal dancer
This person knows the words to a song so well that he or she is able to act out each verb in time with the music, while simultaneously mouthing the lyrics.
Soundtrack: "Wannabe" by Spice Girls, hits of the '90s, everything from Billy Joel to Coolio.
The hand-flopper
She holds her arm out in front of her, bent at the wrist, and moves the hand vertically to the beat of the song with pouty lips and a smug expression.
Soundtrack: Kelis, Rihanna, smooth R&B hit of the moment
The sentimentally suave guy
He bites his lip and closes his eyes like the song really means something to him. He's usually in a tailored Oxford shirt and expensive jeans, no undershirt. He is also a closet Celine Dion fan.
Soundtrack: Aerosmith, Frou Frou
The pseudo-rock star
He or she plays the air guitar, gets on knees and bends way back if he or she is not drawing enough attention.
Soundtrack: Classic rock or death metal
The cornered introvert
This person either does not like the song, does not like to dance, is embarrassed to, or would rather be talking but lacks a conversation partner in the midst of a ear-drum-exploding top 40 song.
Soundtrack: Anything that's too loud and too fast
Uncoordinated show-off
Was probably over-encouraged in high-school, whips out special moves expecting verbal praise and a circle to form around him.
Soundtrack: Trick Daddy, Kanye West, Rihanna
The uncoordinated, but unaffected
This person dances not unaware of, but rather in spite of, the fact that they look silly. Bold, and inspiring, though perhaps not aesthetically pleasing. Ranks above most.
Soundtrack: Varied, Grateful Dead, Rolling Stones, Girl Talk
Contact Molly Gore at (408) 551-1918 or mgore@scu.edu.