In Defense of Chivalry

By Feliz Moreno

Whenever I hear adamant feminists argue that men shouldn't hold doors open for women I can't help but disagree.

Yes, I realize the custom was born in an age when women were seen as weak and incapable of physical exertion, in an era when we could not vote or own a home or take part in politics.

I am aware of the sexist undertones of the gesture and I am as supportive of modern, take-charge women as the next feminist, but I still can't help but smile when a guy offers to give up his seat to me.

We have all heard that chivalry is dead, but there are some people who were raised on what may be considered "old-school" values. Some parents still emphasize that their sons do things like give their seats to women and children when taking public transportation. Even so, these practices aren't very common anymore.

The last time I took the bus a young man was nice enough to offer his seat to me. I refused to take his seat only because I was perfectly capable of standing, but the fact that he offered made all the difference.

Nowadays I think chivalry says more about a person's character than about their attitude towards a specific gender. It says a lot when they are in a hurry, but they still take the time to do small things, like hold the door for the person behind them.

I understand it is difficult for guys to figure out what exactly a girl wants — how can he act like a gentleman without seeming so old-fashioned that girls think he is sexist?

I will let guys get away with little things, like holding the door for me, but I think it is silly when we are getting out of the car and they make me wait for them to open the door for me. I don't see any reason to wait for a man to make it easier for me to get out of the car when I am perfectly capable of doing it myself.

I think it is nice for a guy to offer to walk me home, but more because it means we get to spend extra time together than because I feel like I can't make it back on my own.

I won't get offended if he offers to pick me up for a date, just as long as once in a while I get to be the one that picks him up. And I never, ever expect a guy to pay for my dinner. It is nice if he offers, especially on the first date, but I don't have a problem with splitting the bill or even paying for the whole thing once in a while.

When it comes to chivalry, intention is everything. If you go out of your way for a girl because you sincerely find her incapable of doing things for herself (which I hope most guys don't truly believe), she will pick up on that. And if a girl is feeling chivalrous and wants to walk a guy home, this should be acceptable.

And ladies should not ridicule a guy just because he wants to offer a sweet gesture. If he does something that bothers you, don't make a public scene just to lecture him on the sexist tendencies of chivalry. The next time you two are alone tell him that, while you appreciate the gesture, you would rather him not offer his seat to you next time.

The way I see it, a guy should have no problem holding the door for anyone, no matter their gender, age or capability. Girls should also make an effort to hold doors for people, regardless of the gender of the beneficiary. It is something that should be practiced universally because it is an act of kindness. So let's not turn it into something more difficult than it needs to be.

Feliz Moreno is a sophomore English major and editor of the Opinion section.