Julie's roommate rules

By Julie Herman

I constantly hear all kinds of stories about roommates.

One friend got along fine with her roommate until said roommate had seven people over to their room to smoke marijuana, saturating her bed and clothing with the smell. Another friend liked her roommate as long as the roommate remembered to take her medication. When she forgot, her manic-depressive disorder made her nearly impossible to tolerate.

A friend living at home and attending a community college once told me that roommates were the main reason he didn't want to have the "college experience."

"They'll just bother me," he said. "I'm not a people person. I need my space."

At the time, these sounded like mere excuses to me, but I was in no position to pass judgment.

The girl who was supposed to become my roommate had withdrawn from Santa Clara on the day before classes began, leaving me alone with a spacious corner room in Graham 400.

For four weeks, I was alone, flailing in the vast newness of college. I could not help but be jealous of the roommate friendships I saw developing. Those with a roommate did not have to go out of their way to find someone to eat with. They had a doubled opportunity to meet people. If they wanted to go to a club meeting or sports game, they had someone they could easily ask to go with them.

I involved myself in activities, living in a whirl of motion, because as soon as I stopped, I had to come back to an empty, quiet space. Although I had never before had a problem with silence, I found myself becoming increasingly disconnected.

After that first agonizing month, an acquaintance from one of my classes who was not entirely satisfied with her roommate moved in with me. I expected to experience some confusion, some loss of privacy and personal space, but I did not. We have been luckier than most, for two people guessing at how to make their situations better. We share our space well for a few reasons, which may be easily applied to any rooming relationship.

First, and perhaps most obviously, we respect one another's use of our space. If either of us wants to stay up later or get up earlier than the other, we try to stay out of the room and let the other person sleep. She asks before playing music.

Second, we maintain a relaxed concept of possession. I use her bowls, she uses my eraser; we have collective food and books. When we think of ourselves as interdependent, it makes it easier to forgive small trespasses. Granted, all of this evidence is merely anecdotal. I do not think experiencing a roommate situation is a prerequisite for being a mature, well-rounded individual.

Doubtless, many people who never shared a room can work in groups, have healthy romantic relationships, and perform the myriad social functions that college housing offices across the country claim dorm life facilitates. However, I do suggest, even if my methods do not fit into your way of living, that you consider having a roommate as preparation for all of life when you have to take into consideration the thoughts and feelings of others.

Julie Herman is a freshman undeclared major.