Letters to the editor

'Attention' diminishes reality of bisexuality

While I commend Tatiana Sanchez in "Girls, bisexuality and the attention factor," on Sept. 25 for addressing the invalidating and, frankly, vulgar phenomenon of what is often called "bi-curiosity" -- that is, card-carrying straight girls claiming to be or acting bisexual solely to attract male attention -- I take issue with how this phenomenon was addressed. This sort of behavior invalidates bisexuality by reducing it to a party trick. But for young women who are confused about their own sexuality, bi-curiosity is a reality, and not a means of seeking attention. I wish to draw attention to that fact and to explain more about bisexuality.

Bisexuality means having significant sexual or romantic attractions to members of both the same gender and the opposite gender. Making out with a female friend, aware that it means nothing, is not, by definition, bisexual. For that reason, I feel that the repeated use of the phrase "bisexual behavior" in Ms. Sanchez's article to describe the actions of straight women is erroneous.

As someone who is really, truly and legitimately bisexual, I've kissed quite a few girls. I'm not the only one. Many girls' first kisses were at a young age with other girls as a form of experimentation, or simply practicing. But a great deal of these same women consider themselves straight. This typically takes place in private and is rarely discussed outside of that realm.

I don't believe there is anything wrong with young people exploring their sexuality, or practicing, or kissing each other for fun, but it is a problem when young women put on these shows and/or describe themselves as "bisexual" or "bi-curious" when what they really mean is, "I'm straight, and I'd never have a relationship with a woman, but I'm so eager to please and so starved for attention that I'll pretend to be something I'm not."

This sort of behavior is invalidating to people who have spent considerable amounts of time questioning their sexuality. It perpetuates false beliefs about bisexuals, and it is degrading to other women in that it seeks to ingratiate men.

People are often of the impression that bisexuals are, at any given time, more than willing to participate in no-strings attached threesomes. The truth is that many bisexuals are not. Similarly, bisexuality is not a phase. It is not nymphomania, nor is it indiscretion. Not all bisexuals are polyamorous, nor are they necessarily "easy." And not all women who make out with each other at parties are doing it for attention and approval.

It is incredibly frustrating to see one's sexual orientation made into a farce or a pathetic cry for attention. It is extremely aggravating trying to be out and honest about one's sexual orientation when other people think nothing of lying about their own, or of judging and ostracizing you for it.

It is therefore of the utmost importance that all people, but particularly young people, educate themselves and work together to end this kind of oppression.

If you're a young woman, and you kiss a girl and you like it -- really like it -- good for you. If you're "perfecting your technique," experimenting, or just having fun, more power to you. But if you're just doing it for attention -- usually indicated by the presence of alcohol and a crowd of people -- you're exploiting a societally oppressed group and making their struggle to be understood and treated equally and with respect that much harder.

In which case, I suggest you do it at a "South of the Border" theme party.

Ashley O'Brian

Philosophy '11

Program coordinator for GASPED (Gays And Straights Promoting Education and Diversity)

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