Letting go of college

By Josh Griffin

Ladies and gentlemen, the class of 2003. Wear protective eyewear. The benefits of such behavior include the ability to see. That I can prove. As for the following, well, I wish I could.

Stay in Northern California until you become a Democrat. Live in Orange County at least once, but leave before it makes you a Republican.Vote for the rest of your life like you did in college, when you were infinitely more concerned with the well-being of the less fortunate and social causes than you were with your third million.

Treat your friends with respect and honesty. Men, don't treat women like jerks, and ladies, don't fall for the ones who do.

Party into and through your looming midlife crisis, but, unlike Larry Eustachy, avoid photo opportunities with your old buddies Keystone Light and college co-eds, especially if you are married.

Go to as many sporting events as possible while trying not to drop the "f-bomb" in any of its forms in front of 8-year-old kids who may be experiencing their first ball game. And if at all possible, root for the Cubs.

Cry at your graduation, so at least I'm not the only one. Open sobbing is not only welcomed, but strongly encouraged.

Meet up with your college crew at least once a year and relive the glory days. This rendezvous should prominently involve Las Vegas and a soundtrack featuring Bruce Springsteen. During this reunion, do not poke fun at the Flan's wannabe mullet, Ryan's drinking prowess or Pittman's hairline. If this endeavor leads you to Mazatlan, don't wear little jeans.

That'll do it for me. It's been quite a ride, and I hope you've enjoyed it as much as I have. If you want to find me at any point next year, I'll be a staff writer at the Spartan Daily. They were on the market for a silver-spooned spoiled brat from Santa Clara.