Living outside of social norms

By Cheryl Chiu

It seems to me that in this day and age, appearances, or illusions, have become the basis on which our interpersonal relationships are formed.

To survive in this world, it is obvious that we all must play different roles when placed in different situations. But sometimes, people may take the roles a little too far.

I think everyone is so afraid of losing that guise of normality that few dare to reach out to people who may seem even a little abnormal.

For instance, when I walk into a coffee shop to order a drink, I may open my mouth and nothing comes out. Maybe I struggle a bit for air while trying to push the words out. When I finally finish ordering, I am often met with curiosity, surprise, amusement or even annoyance about my stuttering.

I have learned, over time, to accept those attitudes. They are natural human reactions to aberrant behavior.

But what the cashier does not know is that she or he may have just witnessed one of the most feared, self-affirming moments of my life, as I might have avoided ordering that particular drink the last couple of months.

However, I still can't help but feel disappointed by such people. It is not often that one gets a chance to witness such an important event in another person's life.

But most of us are so concerned with fitting in that we fail to reach out to people who do not, for fear of being viewed as bizarre by association.

I guess it is because, by society's standards, being "healthy" is more attractive; a show of confidence, power and strength tends to attract more mates, by evolutionary standards.

But while humans are indeed animals, I like to think that our ability for compassion and soul-searching allows us to rise above that.

In many scenarios of life, I think those "attractive" qualities in someone are, well, attractive. But are they human? I'd argue that they are not.

The core of humanity is made up of centuries of suffering, war and deaths. There have been shining beacons of hope within that despair, but the heroes have been few and far between. Indeed, the heroes have been the ones who have dared to stand out from the crowd, who may have been seen as strange or different because they did or thought things that no one else did.

A book I am reading in my French class, Camus' "L'Etranger," describes a man who utterly refuses to give in to the standards of "normal" society. He doesn't even cry when his mother dies because he refuses to lie about his lack of feeling, as inappropriate a disposition as it may be.

A liar, according to Camus, is not just somebody who claims to be somebody they're not, but who claims to be something more than they are.

Unfortunately, Camus' character has become an anomaly in today's society.

The desperate attempts of people to elevate themselves can be seen in situations ranging from abusing Ritalin to fudging facts on a resume, all to give off the appearance of being more capable than they actually are. Unfortunately, such behavior is steadily becoming the norm.

Pretense, however, is the ever-lasting glue that holds society together. It is a thread that most people do not want to pull at: Who knows what ugly truths may unravel?

Even this article is a pretense: I am writing this in hopes of getting people to think more deeply about the dangers of appearances, but I also cannot help keeping up appearances in certain situations.

However, if every day, we all try to be as honest as we can with everyone, including ourselves, it will be a step in the right direction.

Cheryl Chiu is a sophomore psychology major.