Long distance relationship advice for freshmen in need

By Kayla Unger

Long distance relationships, especially in freshman year of college, are a perfect recipe for heart-ache, frustration, and sexual deprivation.

For the brave few who chose to not break up before going away for college—I commend your courage and sympathize with you.

I don't claim to be an expert by any means — Heck, I haven't been doing it for that long — but I would like to imagine that the coping strategies I've stumbled upon in an attempt to maintain my sanity in my long term relationship, might just be helpful for the other strong yet foolish individuals who have decided to traverse the great wilderness that is long-distance relationships.

My first point of advice:

A long-distance relationship is NOT going to be the same relationship you had back home.

Don't expect your relationship to be perfect—honestly, don't expect it to be anything.

Both you and your other — the word partner makes me think of sex-ed classes from high school — have to accept that this is a new adventure that you're embarking on together.

No one knows how to handle it well. There are no rules, no guidelines, and certainly no how-to's, so you and your significant other simply have to figure out what works for you.

My second point of advice:

Be sympathetic to one another — even when you really really dont want to.

You have to try and not fight over every little thing! Even the closest couples fight, but in a long-distance relationship, you have to try and be more understanding and cooperative

College is a stressful environment, especially if your other is far away, so tensions are constantly running high.

Just remember that both of you are going through the same thing. When conflicts arise, be willing to compromise, and, as cliche as it sounds, talk about things calmly and rationally.

Rather than getting in a full-fledged argument like two quarelling high school sweethearts, discuss things like adults in an adult relationship.

My third point of advice:

Make time for one another. This doesn't always mean taking a trip to see your other.

Try watching a movie together over Skype—make a date out of it!

Yes, when in a long distance relationship, you truly have to appreciate the little things in life and find joy in them, like a mundane movie date where you arent even in the same room.

Find something that works for you, but make sure that your other is still a significant part of your life.

If that means missing a great party just to stay in and watch a movie you've already seen, then that's a sacrifice you might want to think about making.

My fourth point of advice:

Skype does wonders. If you somehow have been living under a rock and don't Skype with your long-distance other, get your head out of your ass and get on that! Skype conversations don't have to be constant talking—just get on the computer, turn on video chat, and see where it takes you.

Even if you just have it open while one or both of you are doing homework, it can give the illusion that you're both occupied together.

Even a few minutes of seeing one another can lift your mood and make your awful situation seem a little bit better.

My fifth point of advice:

Pay attention to the little details about your other's life. You are both beginning on brand new journeys and your lives are changing.

But even if you can't be physically together, you can still be an active part of one another's lives, by asking questions often and listening.

It's amazing how much these simple acts can accomplish in keeping a relationship on the right track.

My sixth point of advice:

Be HONEST!

Chances are, whatever you want to say will come out eventually, so it's much better to get it out first thing and get it resolved.

When your other is honest with you, listen and be understanding.

Additionally, you must be willing to discuss what's really happening in your relationship.

If you are having trouble making it work, remember that not every relationship is meant to last forever — just because you've taken it to the long-distance phase doesn't mean it's headed straight for the altar.

Accepting that it might not be the right thing isn't always easy, but both of you will be happier in the long run.  And if you end it before trouble gets too bad, you may salvage a future friendship.

So if you're in a long-distance relationship, maybe these pointers will help.

At the same time, remember that no two relationships are the same and you and your other have to accept that and build your own way of making it work.

It's not easy, but if you weren't ready for it to be hard, then you probably shouldn't have signed up in the first place.

Kayla Unger is a freshman English major.