Media and the culture of settling

By Cara Matsukane

In popular movies and television, gender stereotypes are hilariously exaggerated in the on-screen relationships that have bred a culture of settling in the reality of dating.

While the somewhat crude and juvenile humor of movies like "Sex and the City," "The Women" and "Knocked Up" are appreciated even by self-proclaimed intellectuals like myself, the mediocrity of the relationships in these movies leaves viewers wondering if their interpretations of relationships are based in reality.

Characters like Mr. Big and Ben Stone seem more realistic to us than those characters in movies who are men of quality.

We are shown through the example of female characters like Carrie Bradshaw and Allison Scott that any relationship can have a happy ending as long as you compromise what you've always wanted in order to make it work.

This is the reality that I am seeing in the relationships of my friends, family members and in my past. It applies equally at Santa Clara.

College campuses should be an ideal dating scene with all of the 18 to 22-year-old men and women living within a 10-minute walk of one another, but Santa Clara has proven otherwise.

Even when relationships survive the volatile college atmosphere, many of them turn unhealthy fast.

Too many relationships that I have witnessed are full of distrust, insecurity, jealousy and dependence.

I am surprised by the lack of concern regarding this issue, especially when so many people walk away from popular movies thinking they're hilarious and ignoring the fact that they are teaching us to settle for the mediocre because it is realistic.

It has become a catch-22: We accept mediocrity in relationships because we see it more and more in movies and television, and we are seeing it more and more in movies and television because it is becoming the trend in real-life experience.

Why is it that we are all so willing to compromise some of our most fundamental beliefs, personal rules and expectations to be with someone who is anything less than spectacular?

At Santa Clara, we resign ourselves to "relationships" that consist of late night rendezvous and drunken sentiments.

There is no room for taking things slowly and demanding more than an 11 p.m. drunken booty text message when there are plenty of singles that are more than willing to settle for this behavior.

The worst of it is that there are people who buy into this culture and are more than happy to settle for partners that lead them on only to stop calling in a week or two.

It is frustrating for me to see good friends and family members settle for anyone unworthy of their time, since I have been through that kind of relationship and know the damage it can cause to self esteem and happiness.

In the aftermath of my lackluster relationship with a guy whom my friends and I now solemnly refer to as "He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named," I learned a lot about myself and what I do not want.

The most important piece of unsolicited advice that I can humbly share with you is to walk out the door the second someone asks you to do something or be someone who you do not believe in, agree with or respect.

If you aren't living up to your own standards, you can't expect anyone else to.

My policy since that relationship ended has been to be with someone who brings out my best self, or be with no one at all. If we don't start standing up for ourselves and what we want in a significant other now, we never will.

I think it's about time to raise our standards here at Santa Clara instead of ditching them for a more jaded point of view simply because it is endorsed in mass media.

The truth is that we can complain all we want about the guy whose idea of a date is a bottle of tequila at The Hut, or the girl who is only affectionate after three glasses of jungle juice, but complaining won't resolve the issue.

Popular media tells us that strong, successful, independent women can let go of their standards the second they fall into an unhealthy relationship in order to make it work.

We all have standards. It is time to confidently stand by them, or else we can't expect the dating trend to change.

Cara Matsukane is a senior English and studio art double major and a designer for The Santa Clara.