Musings of a modern woman

By Colleen Snyder

For as long as I can remember, I have always wanted to be someone powerful "when I grow up." First I thought I would be a veterinarian, then I decided on journalism, then maybe a psychologist and finally, my sights have landed on the wonderful world of law. I want to change things, influence people and be a strong and independent woman.

In American society today, a "strong" woman is one who does not stay home and take care of her family but goes out and works and makes just as much money, if not more, than her male counterpart. As of late, however, I've been reconsidering my priorities. Part of me, I've realized, really looks forward to getting married and having a family. When I try to imagine what motherhood would be like, I know that my family would be my first priority - not my career. I catch myself feeling that if I do scale down my ideas for a profession, perhaps to better accommodate a family, I am doing myself a great injustice.

Recently I cautiously shared this with one of my closest friends. I told her that I want to be there with my children when they are young. I don't want to work full-time when they're growing up. She was aghast and responded with an apologetic and condescending remark about how if I truly feel that that life would be enough for me, than she guessed it was good I had figured that out.

Since when did taking care of a family become dishonorable? "It's not that," she explained. "It's just that that's not enough anymore." I then realized what she said was true. To truly be respected as a strong woman of the 21st century, I would have to balance a full-time, demanding career with my family.

Apparently, I am not the only woman today facing this dilemma. Dr. Suzanne McTighe discusses this very issue in her psychology of women class here at Santa Clara. She said that "women often report being 'torn' between all of their roles ... especially between being a worker and a mother." She also points out that this is primarily a woman's proble. "I don't know if males sit around and think, If I become a full-time worker, will I still be a good dad? It's a psychological experience that we're talking about here," she said, "and women beat themselves up in their heads more than men for sacrificing home and hearth for work."

And so the pressure is on. If I buy into the idea that being a strong woman means working toward a successful career, then, by even attempting to enjoy all the freedoms that men enjoy in the workforce, I could not be the mother I hope to be. However, if I choose a less-demanding occupation, one that would allow me to accompany my children on field trips and pick them up from school, I would be scorned by the very feminists that I admire.

And so it seems the women's movement has inadvertantly placed women in a compromising position. If a woman now chooses, in the face of these vast opportunities now available to her, to work less and stay home caring for the family, the rest of society doubtfully wonders why.

"Women [need] to realize their limitations ... and be very realistic about full-time employment ... and the 'second shift' she does at home after her paid job," said McTighe. "If she is miserable trying to do it all - cut back on the work. One cannot 'cut back' on the kids." We must remember that there is much value in being a good mother and wife, and the right balance of family and career is what many women like myself are still searching for. The women's movement has brought us very far in the quest for women's rights - let us not forget that these rights include the right to choose one's life path, whatever that may be.