No more drama, please

By Chris DaCosta

Remember in high school when word would get around that so-and-so was no longer talking to so-and-so due to a nasty breakup? Remember biting your tongue when one-half of a former couple in your social circle was present? Remember that urge you had to hit the figurative rewind button after proclaiming to your freshly single friend your theory on how to avoid stupid breakup drama?

Those thoughts are not memories, but codes by which many students in "the Bubble" strictly live. College has spared me nothing of the ridiculous awkwardness and gossip that follows the end of two friends' relationship. Blame it on having one dining hall or the one-major-party-a-weekend culture Whatever you deem culpable, the interaction between former-freshman sweethearts will always be followed by hushed tones of scandal.

When a breakup occurs, there are three possible outcomes. The first is called "the disappearing act." The involved parties never see each other except in extremely unflattering circumstances (puking outside Cal Phi or drenched in sweat at Malley). Nevertheless, brief and stilted conversation ensues and both go on their ways unscathed.

The second result is much more dramatic, often sending various cliques into a frenzy comparable to the feud between the Montagues and Capulets. I call this outcome "this campus ain't big enough for the both of us." Regardless of how many years have passed or how many prospects have since come and gone, both parties subject their friends to a battle best settled behind closed doors with no throwing objects allowed. Everywhere this ex-couple goes, they are followed by the stench of the corpse of their romance. Lips loosen and the Santa Clara nightlife comes alive with their dirty laundry. Ah, the burden friends of former couples have to bear, distributing the most accurate and up-to-date drama to the general public at 10 to the hour, every hour.

The third, and perhaps most annoyingly passive-aggressive breakup outcome, is the "keeping up appearances" game. This entails a surface-level friendship without acknowledging that there was ever a connection, breakup or tumultuous weekend in Tahoe with his best friend. While this relationship may be functional in terms of maintaining and exchanging pleasantries, it results in a sickening display of awkward, unresolved drama that usually comes up once the other person is out of earshot or with the aid of everyone's favorite memory suppressant: tequila!

* Contact Chris DaCosta at (408) 554-4546 or cdacosta@scu.edu.