Rant of the week

By I would like to consider myself an expert on infomercials. I have watched multiple hours of these pr

I am not quite sure why this is; the only plausible reason I can come up with is the fact that the East Coast receives a lot more snow and is therefore house-bound for long stretches of time. However, I did view these infomercials in Washington, D.C., so maybe there is some sort of unspoken understanding that these things are really government attempts to make other countries think we are stupider than they are. Maybe it's so foreign countries like Estonia will intercept some of our television programs and realize that the average American IQ is something a little above a rock. Then they decide, "Hey, maybe Ruckus' (which is a name common for men of high intelligence in Estonia) idea of invading America by using boats made out of old wonder bread wrappers and crushed Mr. Pibb cans isn't such a bad idea."

One of the infomercials I found was selling an item called 'Sack, Vac and Stack.' This item was high quality and child safe. Now just so you understand what this item is all about, let me explain. It is a huge plastic zip lock bag with a black circle component on it. Now what would you do with this highly desirable yet rare item? Well of course as anyone who has had the proper upbringing and a classical training would know, you take a large quantity of space consuming items such as sweaters, pillows, stuffed animals and small noisy children and place them into this giant plastic bag. The simple act of purchasing this item is reason enough for a 20-year commitment to a mental hospital.

Honestly though, I think this item would really be quite useful. I mean, think of all the things you ever wanted to suck the air out of - I bet there are a lot.

Katy Dormer is a sophomore communication/political science major.