Rant of the Week: Technology Inspires New Commandments

By Colin Nagy

They are also the most annoying thing to come along in popular American culture since Beanie Babies, the Backstreet Boys and every other boy band, Teletubbies, Japanese virtual pets, Old Navy commercials, TRL and that Abercrombie and Fitch song that incidentally makes me want to slit my wrists.

Blatant tangent aside, it seems like everyone has a cell phone, which in itself isn't bad. However, the fact that people feel obligated to jabber away on these portable devices in public places does prove rather tiresome.

I can see if it is something that cannot wait, but the majority of these conversations are about the most trivial of subjects, matters that should not be shared with everyone within earshot.

A case in point: While at Safeway recently, I was treated to the interesting dialogue between a man (standing in front of the produce section) and a mysterious confidant. When seeing a middle-aged man in the grocery store talking on a mobile, one assumes he is discussing a vital issue with his business associates: "Dammit Ernie, the Russian markets are collapsing. Our stocks in Southeast Asia are finished!"

In actuality, he was calling to check on whether his wife wanted iceberg or romaine lettuce. I, being the innocent bystander, was privy to every single detail of this fascinating exchange.

Then there are the more interesting conversations, like the man in the airport lounge angrily reprimanding his child over the phone.

At what point did this heated exchange infringe on the rights of the other people around him who were forced to hear every detail? Now call me old-fashioned, but when I was young, I was reprimanded with the threat of the dreaded "belt." Not from a cell phone 10,000 miles away, in an airport lounge no less.

As we enter this digital age, full of devices designed to maximize interpersonal communication, a system of etiquette seems in order. Therefore, in all due haste, I present to you the "Commandments For Proper Cell Phone Usage."

1. Thou shalt turn off thy cell phone in movie theaters, funerals or other "quiet" places, as no one desires to hear your phone chirp the William Tell Overture.

2. Thou shalt not carry your phone to school and walk around the quad with it. Does Mommy really need to call you during third period?

3. Thou shalt not speak of trite issues whilst standing in public places - dire situations only please.

4. Thou shalt not subject others to the conversation you carry out (unless you first ask them if they will be disturbed).

5. Thou shalt not act or think you are of important or even high profile when talking on the cell phone: Let's face it, you aren't.

Another humorous phenomenon brought about by cell phones is that they seemingly transform normal persons into high-powered VIPs simply by holding the phone to his ear.

This, my friends, is a deeply embedded feeling in the American psyche - the need to feel important. Bob, the average man, is magically changed into an investment banker, making international multimillion-dollar deals - just by talking on the phone. (At least this is what he thinks he looks like to other people.) In reality, he is discussing the finer points of iceberg lettuce with his wife.

The moral is this: it all comes down to matters of consideration for others. As important as you may think you look talking on your Nokia in Safeway, others really do not want to hear your personal conversations. So, think for a moment-"Can this wait until a more opportune time?"

Trust me, it can.

Colin Nagy is a freshman communication major.