Saying goodbye to my appendix

By Marcos Moreno

Dear Appendix,

Why did you try to kill me? Wait, don't answer that. I know you don't know, and, regardless, nothing you say can change my opinion of you. I only wanted an explanation for the pain you caused.

All my other organs are working so well together. My heart is pumping blood nicely; my lungs are helping me breathe; and my stomach is delicately digesting food. I thought we were all one big happy family -- I guess I was wrong.

You ached in my right side for ten hours before I decided to go to the hospital. I didn't appreciate your choice of dissent. What was so bad about living in my body? Why did you feel that you had to rebel against me? If you had any objections, you could have voiced them in an orderly manner. I'm a very open-minded person -- I would have listened.

I can't say I would have made any changes. You know how it is. Things are complicated; it's not so easy to take care of all my organs -- I have so many. If I forget about some of them, I can't be held accountable. I did my best to keep all things civil in my body. You're the one who acted up. This wasn't my fault.

I guess you were just growing tired of hanging out with my colon. I wish I could have given you a better job, but all the other positions were already filled. You think you could have filtered blood as well as my liver? I guess we'll never know. You've defected, and there is nothing I can do about that. I really hope you find somebody.

The life of a lonely appendix can't be very glamorous -- I imagine it won't be too long before you come crawling back. Well, don't expect me to forgive you. The post-appendix me is so over you.

It wasn't long after I arrived at the hospital that they cut you out of me. But I don't have separation anxiety. Do you? Frankly, I feel like you were holding me back all these years. You see, I can live without you. And truth be told, you served no real purpose in my body anyway. I'm happy with all the extra space.

In conclusion, I would like to mention that I'm glad we have parted ways. It has given me a chance to see how much better off I am without you. We just couldn't function together and as hard as it is to say -- I don't need you. I hope there comes a time when you can forgive yourself for all the hurt you triggered in me. Until then, I think it would be best if we didn't speak to one another. Take care of yourself.

Sincerely,

Marcos Moreno

Marcos Moreno is a senior English major. He had his appendix removed on Jan. 23.