Sex should be off the hook(-up)

By Divya Malik

What's a sexual encounter like on a typical college party night? Two people meet for a few minutes, express that they are attracted to one other through some drunken pick-up line or physical contact and proceed to having sex. Both are concerned with receiving and giving the ultimate pleasure.

The night ends in a daze and when it comes time to rush to class and make that walk of shame in the morning, they exchange one of those awkward hugs and good-byes. Both resume their daily activities as if nothing had happened the night before.

As college students, we hear the word sex all the time, maybe more often than we would like. Sex is used in conjunction with words like alcohol, parties and hook-ups.

We enjoy engaging in an activity that gives us immense physical pleasure. Therefore, we take advantage of an easy opportunity that constantly presents itself to fulfill our physical desires. But do we ever stop to think about how sex became so casual?

May Rollo, author of "Love and Will," asserts that we are taught to be apathetic in today's world. We are not supposed to feel, because feeling would allow us to harbor negative emotions and become hurt by what goes on around us.

So although we are strong enough to overcome the emotional loss of relationships, we fall victim to the physical desire of sex. We engage in multiple acts of sex to achieve the pleasure and gratification of it. And why not engage in sex? We are in college. We deserve to have fun. We are young, and we do not need to be tied down. But when does having sex go from being fun to being detrimental to our emotional health?

Theologian Paul Tillich points out that some individuals resort to sex to find their personal answers in life. They begin to have sex with a number of people in hopes of seeking validation and justification for their existence. They desire to see the other person in a state of euphoria because it is a reflection of their own physical capabilities.

And when it happens, they feel they have achieved something. But because they are so concerned with validation, they never take time to realize a relationship could offer them the validation they are so desperately looking for.

Others use sex as a scapegoat. During sex, they enter a state of mind where they are able to escape the problems that plague their life. They continuously seek physical pleasure as an outlet to avoid emotional distress.

But they do not realize that problems need to be confronted and solved, not suppressed by physical acts of sex.

So whether you use sex for fun, validation or as a scapegoat, the end result is all the same: it kills the possibility of forming a much more meaningful and deeper relationship with the other individual.

When two people engage in hooking up, they get straight to the point. They do not lie in bed and talk about their goals, aspirations or their feelings. Anything that would allow them to emotionally connect is not thought of and is left unsaid. Therefore, if no emotional connection is made, no relationship can be built.

I'm not saying that we should refrain from having sexual relations until we are married or until we find the love of our lives.

But what I am saying is that maybe we should be a little bit more concerned with establishing meaningful relationships when we do choose to engage in sex. As humans we are gifted with the capability to feel and to experience love just as much as pain.

Becoming so detached and reducing pleasure to a physical act of sex not only makes us apathetic, but robotic.

So, next time, why don't we wait before we undress and actually try getting to know someone?

Maybe, a relationship could be established and the sex would not only be physically satisfying but also emotionally fulfilling.

Divya Malik is a senior psychology and political science double major.