That's gay... but is it?

By Claire Cudahy

With college life comes college vocabulary — a repertoire of slang, movie and TV show references, and a whole lot of cursing. Since moving out of my parents' home and into college housing, I have adopted my fair share of linguistic vices that I have come to accept. I forgive myself for accidentally dropping the f-bomb within earshot of small children at Target. There are, however, two words that I just can't justify using — words that, sadly enough, have become commonplace.

The two words that make me cringe every time I hear them misused are "gay" and "retarded."  A quick look at Urban Dictionary, and my point becomes clearer. ‘Gay,' according to the popular slang dictionary, is "often used to describe something stupid or unfortunate. Originating from homophobia. Quite preferable among many teenage males in order to buff up their ‘masculinity.'"

Do the same for ‘retarded' and someone has defined it as a "slang descriptor for a person/thing/action/object, etc. which is one or more of the following." A list of about 500 adjectives ensues, with words such as absurd, cheap, dumb, ugly, and shameful, to name a few.

Having grown up with a brother struggling with learning disabilities and friends who are homosexual, I am extremely aware of when people say these words and quick to call them out.

The common excuse I hear time and again is: "I don't mean it that way." Be that as it may, by using those words as slang, you have unconsciously equated having a learning disability or being homosexual with stupidity, absurdity or any other of the ways these words are so liberally used.

"That test was so gay!" or "Class was retarded today" are commonly heard phrases. Though for the most part it is true that people do not use those words to offend people who are gay or suffer from learning disabilities, the fact of the matter is that these words were originally used in this slang manner to be just that — offensive.  

I believe that the misuse of these words is the result of a disconnect between those using and those affected by the words. Most people who say "retarded" didn't grow up with the same experiences I did, nor do they understand the way it can make another person feel to hear it used in that way.

My brother Grant is not your typical thirty-year-old. He does not drive, he still lives at home, and sometimes I catch him watching Scooby Doo — though he quickly denies it. As a child, Grant was diagnosed with a learning disability and ADD. To Grant, time and money are as inscrutable as Greek, while social manners and cues that most of us intuitively understand must be explained to him. Though he attended a regular high school, he took special education courses. After struggling through his sophomore year, Grant transferred to Riverview School in Cape Cod, a school for kids with learning, cognitive and social disabilities.

One of the main reasons Grant transferred to a special school was because of the treatment he received from the other kids in school. To the other students, he was just one of the "retarded" kids who didn't quite understand what was going on.

Every time I hear the word "retarded" misused, I think of my brother — my brother who has had to put up with the ignorance of others that are unable to understand his condition. My brother who is patient, tolerant and unfailingly kind, and whose infallible optimism and enthusiasm about the small things in life have been a lesson to me.

So here is my solution: make other people as uncomfortable about it as they make me feel when they misuse "gay" or "retarded." When I hear a friend use one of those words, I am quick to remind them about my brother or friend who is homosexual. Sure, it makes things a little awkward at first, but now there is a connection in their mind. Even though they may not have "meant it that way," I have put a face to their offence.

Though there is still a long road ahead on the path to ending the misuse of these words, I hope that my experience will help others understand how hurtful this slang really is. My brother knows that he has a learning disability, but never in his life has he allowed this to discourage him. Having a brother with special needs has not always been easy, but I would not trade my experience for anything. Grant is my friend, mentor, and above all, my brother, who I am proud of every day.

Claire Cudahy is a junior English major.