The truth about lying
By Preet Anand
We are all liars. Our parents, siblings, dogs and professors. We're all liars.
The truth is that some of us are better liars than others, which is why we don't realize everyone lies. Some people are such good liars that they don't see it as lying anymore. To them, it's just rounding out truth.
Our professors may lie to us every day, whether it be in a joke or just a false statement or statistic. I know my physics teacher, professor Kesten , may say something in class and students take it as holy fact; five seconds later he laughs and says, "Duh, of course not."
When professors say something isn't true, that just means it isn't true now. It may have been true previously.
For example, when I say I don't believe in the tooth fairy, it's true, but I sure as heck did when my parents were throwing cash at me. In hindsight, I'd believe anything in that situation.
When people tell me Pluto isn't a planet, that's a lie as well, because why else would Microsoft Word capitalize the word as I type this? It was a planet until a cosmic assembly of astronerds decided to demote it.
I've come up with a so-called tutorial to make you a good liar. In truth, you'll either be able to lie your socks off, at which point you pick them back up, or detect lying. At this point of lying enlightenment, your words will be taken as pure fact.
Such enlightenment is achieved in three simple steps:
1. Convince yourself it's not a lie. It's not a lie if you don't think it's a lie. If you can convince yourself, you'll be able to convince anyone. You could probably convince a guy that he needs a tampon. A con artist doesn't think he cons, he thinks he's an artist.
2. Fit your lie to the subject. Detail that doesn't belong will be noticed. Why do you think "Where's Waldo" is so easy? Honestly, what is a guy in striped snow-gear doing at the beach? Camouflage your lie to its environment and people won't notice it.
3. Use unwavering eye contact. Eye contact is essential to a good lie. If you make direct eye contact when you speak to someone, they will be so unnerved that they won't be actively questioning what you say. Just try it on people. I bet you'll be able to talk about what type of underwear they are wearing before they catch on to the absurdity of what you're saying, as long as you maintain eye contact.
I gave you the tools to effective lying. Your lying potential is unlimited, but be cautious because, as Ben Parker of "Spider-Man" said, "With great power comes great responsibility." With the right use, you might even be able to tell if I'm lying.
Preet Anand is a freshman bioengineering major.