Understanding cheating

By Brooke Boniface

As a 20-year-old girl, relationships are frequently a topic of discussion among myself and my friends. Whether someone is in the perfect one, wants to be in one or is having serious problems in one, relationships are not often far from our minds.  

Recently one of my friends from home was cheated on by his longtime girlfriend. He was devastated, and came to me to talk about the situation. While our conversation did not really help him come to a decision about what to do in his relationship, it did get me thinking:Why do people in relationships cheat?

It seems like a simple question really. The answer should be cut and dry, simple and direct.  

But the reality of the situation is, life is so complex, with so many nuances and distinctions, that the answer to anything — let alone something so wrought with emotion — is rarely easy.  

I have been cheated on, I have had friends who have been cheated on, and I have had friends who have cheated. I have seen almost all sides of this sticky situation.

Had you asked me in high school what I thought about cheaters, my answer would have been categorically negative.

I would have said that they were selfish people who were disregarding the feelings of their significant other to gain some sort of vain gratification for themselves.  

And this definition still holds true for many people who cheat. Many are simply childish and immature individuals who should not be in a relationship if they want to hook up with other people.

They show a lack of respect for their boyfriend or girlfriend when they decide that their needs are more important than the other person's feelings. It is the classic case of wanting to have your cake and eat it too.

For others though, cheating is an honest mistake. Either fueled by alcohol or a charged situation, the cheater immediately feels terrible and vows never to let it happen again. These cheaters are more redeemable than the aforementioned ones, because of the random and isolated nature of their situation. Although those people should not have cheated, the fact that they did does not mean they are bad or selfish individuals.

It's a case of everyone makes mistakes.    

In most situations if people have some inkling that they are going to cheat then they should most likely not be in a relationship.

But sometimes a preemptive breakup does not work or is not possible.  

As my friend who has both cheated and been cheated on said, "Cheating sometimes just happens. It's not like you go out intending to cheat. You just get into a situation and before you know it, you are doing something that you didn't intend to do."  

Every instance of cheating is different and I have learned that it is extremely hard to judge people unless you have actually been in their shoes.

But no matter the motivation or surrounding circumstances, if someone is getting hurt then there is something wrong with the situation and it should be changed. Cheating can be justified, rationalized or excused but in the end, if it happens it must be dealt with.

Brooke Boniface is a junior political science and history double major and the editor of the opinion section.