More like, he's just not that into this movie

By Saurabh Muzumdar

Cupid's favorite holiday descends upon us Saturday, and there is no better way to kick back this weekend than with a romantic movie. Save that thought, because this year's offering is a colossal waste of time.

"He's Just Not That Into You" pleads to be panned in every possible way, and it is every bad chick flick and relationship cliché serialized into painful and asinine encounters. Oh, and it's 2 hours and 9 minutes long, leaving you with enough time to scratch your head, feign sleep, gaze at your watch and look at the girl sitting next to you only to come to this wonderful realization: She hates this movie as much as you do.

While staring at said girl, I had an interesting thought: It would be an engrossing endeavor to document the thoughts of 10 feminists after they watched this latest take on what women want.

"He's Just Not That Into You" weaves together multiple interlocking stories and tracks the thoughts and feelings of women at different stages of their lives. They learn that there is a lesson to be learned around every corner, and it is never too late to find the right man. How profound.

Gigi, played by Ginnifer Goodwin, is perhaps the most annoying character since Michelle from the "American Pie" movies. She purrs with desperation and stalks her prospective boyfriends. But she is a good person, and good things happen to good people.

Gigi's friends include Janine and Beth, played by Jennifer Connelly and Jennifer Aniston, respectively. Janine is married, happily, maybe -- actually she's not sure. Her husband cheats on her, which puts things in a harsh perspective.

Janine's breaking point comes when she finds a carton of cigarettes hidden in her husband's closet.

Beth is happy, but her boyfriend, Neil, played by Ben Affleck, doesn't want to get married, making Beth ponder about her uncertain future.

Scarlett Johansson plays Janine's husband's mistress, and the Mac guy, Justin Long, plays Gigi's dating adviser/potential suitor. Kevin Connolly plays a guy who hits on Gigi and gets played by Johansson's character. Oh it is complicated, but it's pittance compared to how complicated love is.

There's a lot wrong with this movie. It's an utter waste of a stellar cast coupled with multiple plot lines that are just barely explored. It's also an explosion of dialogue, which is neither funny nor intriguing.

The jokes are stale, the awkwardness far from palpable and in many ways it is unfair to both sexes. Characters like Gigi are grotesque representations of female desire and portray a far from flattering image of women. If her wackiness is meant to evoke laughter and not to be taken seriously, it could be understandable. But it isn't, and her tear-filled rants do not help.

A bigger problem is how overmatched the actors are in terms of dialogue. They seem to be playing fillers which truly undermine the movie. Long, for example, plays a modern-day Freud named Alex who tries to decipher for other characters the cryptic language that guys call communication. Connolly is probably waiting for the new season of "Entourage" to start up so he can return to his role as E, because he is utterly forgettable in this film.

For a movie that offers a take on modern relationships, it does rather well in side-stepping an important ingredient of the modern relationship: sex. This film sends us back to the pre-feminist era where the needy female needed not only a man, but also a ring to go along with him. Then again, what do I know about women? Maybe I should go watch this again.

Grade: I want my money back.

Contact Saurabh Muzumdar at smuzumdar@scu.edu.